aesmael

Making note of things I have done, to remind myself they have been done. Otherwise it is too easy to forget, too easy to spiral down into believing I don't do anything and beating myself up over it.

So. I have been up to plenty, despite not having much to show for it. Various bouts of practising my drawing with exercises from Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, getting familiar with the command prompt via exercises from the appendix of Learn Python 3 The Hard Way, and batches of podcast episodes being downloaded and metadata updated to compile into a playlist for my phone. A lot of activities that are of the 'keep plugging away and eventually see results' sort.

The playlist is a bit more mammoth than I had anticipated. I have probably mentioned that my routine in constructing those is to manually compile playlists to listen through my subscriptions in chronological order, as not all their RSS feeds extend back far enough to work neatly with a proper podcast player. I'm currently listening my way through 2009 and thanks to a few mishaps with some becoming unavailable by the time I reached them in my listening order, and some shenanigans with how far back some archives extend, my scheme ends up trying to span the entire year of 2009 in just two playlists. I only realised this after loading onto my phone a list spanning January to August and finding the rug pulled out from under me for what was expected to be an August - September list, now extended through to the first days of January 2010, adding about 2.5 times as much work as I'd got done, just as I got to the part where I would have been sorting the downloaded files into their play order.

I am actually worried I will not be able to fit the full playlist onto my phone when it is done, coming as it does on the heels of another quite massive playlist. Especially as several months back I actually outpaced the playlists I had loaded for the first time since beginning this project many years ago and turned to loading some audio books and dramas to fill the gap while I got the list loaded; I've decided to intersperse these playlists with more such dramatics. Not even bothering to try sourcing those until I have the podcasts themselves down and sorted. I suspect that I may have to break it into two chunks, with the first being what I'd downloaded before that rug-pull and treated as essentially a continuation of the playlist I'm currently listening to, and then the second to follow as the 'real new' playlist when I get past the current one and can delete it off my phone.

With my normal procedure of keeping three of those on the go - one for current, one to have ready to flow into when that one ends, and the third as backup in case I get through two playlists without making a new one ready - I will have a long while at this before I can be done and coast awhile again. Once I do I intend to get a bit more proactive and pull down the archives in advance. Too often, and especially of late, have I come to fetch episodes only to find the archive truncated, reorganised, or even the site entirely gone. I would rather guard against that by backing it all up locally if I can manage the hard drive space to hold them all.

Perhaps the curse of journalling so infrequently is my inability to remember what I have and have not recorded in the past.

For a while I've thought it could be fun to engage in solo-RP activities and turn the result into a story. And for a long time I believed the way to go would be to learn web formatting & styling so I could present the narrative as a 3/4 page column and the underlying dice rolls pegged alongside in a slide-in and slide-out 1/4 page column. The existence of the Beaker Browser project encouraged me to think this was a viable project especially as it could be hosted locally and I wouldn't have to worry about where and how to put this for people to read. But, with Beaker being shuttered I am at a bit of a loss.

I have also been wondering if I might do better to use a specialised document format. HTML is easy enough but maybe if I have any particular styling requirements it would be better to present in PDF, and maybe even style the document using LaTeX. The trouble with this is

The web isn't set up well to flow between such documents
I don't have anywhere to host them
I don't even have enough local storage to install LyX to do that editing

Current Mood: busy

[note: the following was written on 2020-01-22]

To my surprise there has been plenty to do in the little ex-branch library. People coming by every day who need to be informed it is no longer a library and, in fact, the municipality currently has no functioning library. Twice daily trips to the collection and drop-off points to collect the boxfuls of returns people are leaving and to fail to deliver many holds to an increasingly malfunctioning system that is giving me serious worries about its long-term viability.

It's a shame as that had been a good idea for 24-hour service. I dislike that it's currently the only library service people can get, and forcing folk who aren't interested or prepared into often confusing and failure-prone tech 'solutions' is a rather dismal trend in our society. But it would have been great if it worked reliably and only people who wanted to use it had to.

Today I'm wondering about how to run traps in Fate. For D&D/Pathfinder games that's simple enough - there's a hazard in the environment and if it is obvious enough or someone is searching skilfully enough they get a perception check to detect it, and if they fail it goes off and possibly we switch into a conflict scene. I suppose I could demand of the players a Quick or Careful Overcome roll (we're specifically playing Fate: Accelerated Edition [FAE]) but that feels contrary to the spirit of the system.

Let's try thinking through what a trap or hazard is and how it works. In our traditional fantasy adventure scenario you are perhaps making your way through a creepy old corridor, an ancient temple perhaps. You fail to notice a pressure plate, and when stepping upon that plate, a blade scythes out of the wall and maybe it injures you or maybe you duck out of the way. Maybe you lose a few hit points, or make a reflex save in Pathfinder; in Fate perhaps you cross off one of your stress boxes, a consequence which only lasts until the end of the scene.

As I understand it, this scenario is regarded as dull and undesirable even in the traditional style as mere damage to hit points is typically shrugged off unless it is fatal and if it is fatal then it is usually not fun to suddenly lose your character. More-so, then, when all it costs you is nothing that won't regenerate by the very next scene. So we should certainly take the advice already often doled out and deploy hazards or traps only in circumstances where they would create or add to an interesting encounter. Maybe no pit trap in the middle of an empty corridor, but the battle with their kobold rivals takes place in a chamber Riddled with Pressure Plates and Pit Traps, or the narrow walk over a chasm to safety must be performed under a Hail of Darts.

Okay, so hazards are aspects which complicate situations to make them (more) exciting? Or perhaps we treat them in some cases as characters in their own right with skills and stress boxes and whatnot as described by The Bronze Rule, if I want those hazards to play a more active role in the scenario.

Then I think we get more to the root of what I'm trying to understand. How do I handle elements of the scene which may be hidden at its start, which may be more dangerous to the player characters if they do not discover it first? Or, do I? A lot of the assumptions of Fate seem keyed to playing at a table together where the GM has aspects for characters and situations written on cards and sheets of paper and typically everyone's sheets are visible to everyone else. For circumstances where you want to keep something hidden at first the text recommends assigning aspects which use indirection to make sense in retrospect, but it also states quite clearly that an aspect which is not known or used in play may as well not exist and that makes sense to me.

So maybe we want an aspect relating to the danger visible to players from the beginning of the scene, when we lay out what is there. Maybe they should know about the Dangerous Footing but is that something that should turn into Riddled with Pressure Plates and Pit Traps when the first pit opens, or is that something the players should know about before any pit actually opens? Even if there is no sign? IS there no sign?

Let's see:

Scenes should occur when they are necessary or improve the story
A trap or hazard should be present when it will enhance a scene or when it would be significant enough to justify a scene in its own right
There should be publicly visible aspects which refer directly or indirectly to the hazard (so that even if the players don't know about it in advance it should make sense in retrospect), or the hazard should arise as a consequence of play, or the scene should begin with the hazard manifesting
The line between hazard and creature might be blurred
The game rules are a tool for adjudicating the story and the game world, and should be used in ways that are fun and that reflect the stories we want to tell and their dramatic needs (this one is more general but I feel I will benefit from the reminder here)

Current Mood: dorky

[editor's note: this is the final entry]

I thought being stabbed in the face would be the worst thing to happen to me today.

We set out on our journey to the Imperial City and were promptly accosted by bandits. I stepped up to protect the Princess and immediately got a face-full of steel for my troubles.

I should be glad I woke the next morning. It didn’t feel good at all, but it seems Princess Kamiko struck some kind of deal with the bandits while I was gone. I’m grateful for that, except it meant we did arrive and had to face the palace.

Following the demands of duty I escorted the Princess to the royal meeting room. The beauty and activity should have been breathtaking if I weren’t absorbed in the pain of my wounds. Uta got that surprisingly friendly, informal reception she seems to get whenever among officials who know her personally, and we were directed to the audience seating.

To sit in on a meeting of dragons was awesome, and shocking to see Uta suddenly in her true form after all these years of knowing her as a wolf, but the discussion itself was all very political and not at all comfortable for a fireworks merchant such as myself. However I did get the sense this had become a very harsh regime, and the people seemed to be chafing under the largely unopposed rule of the dragons of autumn and winter.

When the Princess jumped up to join the line of supplicants after the meeting I was unsurprised, but terrified, and followed after her. As our turn came she gave a great speech, making passionate plea for the well-being of those same people the dragons had been turning away, and even on behalf of the bandits who had attacked us and brought me to the edge of death.

I was afraid that for her boldness the Princess would be snatched up and devoured, or some worse fate, and the dragons seemed quite willing to do so until her deft words mollified them a little. If flight would have accomplished anything I might have snatched her up and ran.

Yet, having seen her dare so much, I put my foot forward and made a plea also, on behalf of the merchant who mistook me for someone of importance in Komae. I kept my word, though I felt sure I spoke my own doom to raise my voice where even Princess Kamiko, with her years of courtly training, was finding the paths treacherous.

To my relief the dragons eventually found the Princess’s words to their liking and agreed it was time to take more notice and care of the people in their charge. They even let us leave with our lives, though I’m sure at least one would have been happy not to.

With that I must put pen down and collapse. These wounds are far from fully healed.

Current Mood: pensive

It seems we have stumbled into fresh politics. We had a simple goal today, to get registered in advance of our visit to the Imperial City. Unfortunately yesterday’s swimming caught up with me and I was sore from head to toe, and so far from the world I managed to space out looking at some glassware and lose track of my charge.

Uta’s status as the Herald of Spring continues to complicate our lives. The glassware vendor had seen the company I keep and hoped I might be able to do something about the tariffs his trade labours under. I hope I convinced him I have no such power.

I was able to catch with Kamiko and Uta at the Pagoda, where we got to enjoy a long wait in line for a bureaucrat who clearly had no conception of how to handle us. I suppose if someone from this world came to Japan ey would similarly find no form waiting to register em?

Fortunately(?) we were noticed by the captain of the royal guard, one Tamashi Akkaido, who seems to know Uta personally and spared us the endless circle of dismay. Instead we have been given fresh, socially acceptable identities to wear, and a fierce talking-to about not appearing disruptively foreign. Instead we’re to claim to be from Alphonbra, that cute town we stumbled into when we first arrived.

It seems we may be tangled up in something dangerous and dramatic, or at least precarious. I find myself nervous about what lies ahead.

Current Mood: rushed

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:45]

"— and of course thunder dragons round out the last of the weather dragons. Now, for the greater dragons..." says a mermaid laying on her back in a pool. A number of people sit on benches, listening - but quite a few others are laying in a large set of small, individual pools.

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:46]

If there is an empty pool, Lin Hai will settle herself into one to listen for a while - better than sitting in a slowly drying bathing suit.

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:46]

"There are four types of greater dragon, each reflecting one of the four seasons," the lecturer continues. "Midori-Ryuu, or Green Dragons, reflect our current season - Spring. They are associated with the three artifacts of knowledge: The Encyclopedia of Rules, the Sextant of Change, and the Torch of Learning."

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:47]

Much to your surprise, floating in a pool actually improves your ability to hear the lecture.

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:47]

[[ I am quite surprised, yes ]]

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:47]

"Midori Ryuu are prone to watch over those who seek learning and exploration. They value the virtues of storytelling, perserverence, and recordkeeping."

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:48]

[[ lemme know if you want me to ditch the listening at any point. otherwise Lin Hai is fascinated and a little intimidated to think of dragons as actual beings out in the world ]]

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:49]

"Obviously, as you all know, the royal Midori Ryuu has been travelling for many years, and thus not seen in court. Therefor, lesser Midori Ryuu fill in for her seat, acting as her proxies for each vote. But it also means that ignoring the Midori Ryuu's vote can be used as a tiebreaker. Thus, her influence is more ephemeral than the other royal dragons - a seeker of knowledge, a bringer of insight, instead of a player of politics."

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:51]

"Next up are the blue dragons, Ao-Ryuu. They are the patrons of theatre, love, and all other things tied to romance. They guard young lovers and old flames alike, and occasionally meddle to ensure that star-crossed lovers are indeed destined to meet."

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:51]

[[ ❤️ the lore tho ]]

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:52]

"Unlike other dragons, they have but two artifacts: the Crystal of Kindness, and the Ring of the Heart. In place of the third, an Ao-Ryuu can become itself a mascot, travelling alongside those it deems worthy and serving to bolster their resolve."

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:53]

"Coming then to Fall, we get the Crimson Dragons: The Kurenai-Ryuu. These are dragons of battle! Fierce beasts with great claws and scales ward off the strongest sword! They are the guardians of Ryuutama, protecting us from those who would dare dream of invading."

There's a bit of cheering at this.

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:54]

"Their artifacts are the Greatsword of the Hero, the Longspear of Challenge, and the fabled Immortal's Longbow. It is said of the last, that it's weilder cannot be slain - and indeed, death itself is often considered to be the domain of the Kurenai-Ryuu."

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:54]

[In reply to Ryuutama GM]

Lin Hai's eyes widen at that, and she looks around a little nervously.

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:56]

"Lastly is the Kuro-Ryuu: Black Dragons, keepers of winter. Though more alien than the others, do not let yourself forget that they too serve an important purpose. They are shrouded in darkness and mystery, but they are also the ones to consult when such maladies befall your village. They are detectives par excellence, and patrons of those who have been wronged."

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:57]

"Their artifacts are shrouded far more in mystery, but we know at least that they are a Chalice, a Dagger, and a Mirror - the Mirror is said to be the Mirror of Slaughter, a powerful magical item which grants power proportionate to the fear you can strike in to the hearts of your enemy. To what purpose this artifact was created, we can only speculate - certainly the Kuro-Ryuu are not talking."

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:58]

With that, she bows. "Thank you all for attending my lecture, and I hope you've enjoyed your day in the gardens!"

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:58]

"Oh, and don't forget! Next Wednesday will be a meeting of the three royal dragons, at the imperial palace!"

Ryuutama GM, [25.02.18 13:59]

(OMG I just had to improvise an entire lecture WHY did I let there be a lecture hall WHY XD)

aesmael, [25.02.18 13:59]

Lin Hai applauds again, nearly as extravagantly as for the magic show.

Current Mood: loved
Current Location: Elsewhere, above the green
Current Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk0J6iE2NxI

2019-01-01
The thing about Julia Wolfe's "Lad" is it may be the first time I've really enjoyed a piece written for bagpipe. I'm not someone to cringe and theatrically dismay at the sound of bagpipes, but they hadn't really clicked with me either as something which sounds amazing or beautiful.

2019-01-04
It was probably 2017 that I started playing my "current" game of Angband. I've hardly played it at all - not at all for the past year I think - because I decided I wanted to stream it and show how that version worked before switching to the more adventurously experimental versions then and currently in development. Unfortunately I also switched back to Windows sometime then and, in Windows, OBS seems unable to capture all of Angband's sub-windows without capturing the entire screen, which means having to take great care not to accidentally leak any unwanted personal information of myself or anyone I communicate with that could potentially be displayed. It proves to be a big enough obstacle that I effectively have ceased playing altogether.

Therefore I have concluded that particular commitment must be done away with. I shall finish that game to death or victory, and any game I do stream will most likely be played at the public server at http://angband.live/

What happens this week? Bought a new PS3 controller as the old one seems to have quit working. The new one refuses to connect however, so we don't seem to be better off.

2019-01-10
Today I baked a lime meringue pie, taking a recipe for lemon and making a simple substitution. Not yet has it been tasted, although it ought to be delicious.

Today I learned someone must have hit my car while it was parked, most likely last night while I was purchasing ingredients for the pie I baked today. The rear left corner was scratched up and streaked with blue paint, possibly dented. Disheartening as my last car was wrecked by someone driving into me and striking the same location. I feel superstitiously afraid this one's days are likewise numbered.

Today I mapped out the basic location-concepts for the quest path for Star Wars: The Lost Heart. I want to develop those into enough detail that I know what their mysteries are and who are their major players, factions and tendencies so that I'll be able to bring them to life if and when we get there, but not to go so much detail that I already have the whole story written to force people into. Similarly with the state of the galaxy at time zero and what other major figures or points of interest have a good chance of coming up - or being available to pull out of a hat if I suddenly need them. Essentially two sets of landmarks, one for The Galaxy Now and one for The Quest As Intended. Then I can feel relatively confident at letting players loose without having to make quite everything up on the spot.

Or so I imagine.

Inventing is actually hard for me, I think. Or inventing the satisfying right thing of story. This is my supposition for why I write so slowly, for I feel I can at times quite readily toss off some broad idea which feels quite exciting, but to follow through with invention in details is quite laborious. I like to think that practice will make this easier, or perhaps to create an outline from which to work so that when it comes to the writing I am only filling in the details of how it happened, having previously resolved the tricky questions of what and why.

Now, writing as in journaling. That is mostly difficult in terms of remembering to do so. And remembering what has happened in order to write it down. And especially in doing my journaling later at night when, yes, the day has mostly happened to be written about in retrospect but also when I am feeling quite sleepy and actually transferring the text from journal-local to journal-webbed feels an obstacle not worth the effort of surmounting.

So, will these words be retrospectively published in the morning? Tune in to find out.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Assorted tracks by Frederick Delius

Someday the world may come to make sense again. We did not get far into the gardens before being distracted by a pair of exhibition halls. Our first visit promised a magic show and it was amazing. The mermaid – merman? - Sugimoto picked both the Princess and myself from the audience… felt a little rigged but I don’t think I care. For Princess Kamiko he conjured a strange, fuzzy-green elastic ball for herself and Uta to play with. For myself he somehow made wings appear on my back! It was so strange and yet I knew how to control them, and thrilling! I got to touch the ceiling of the chamber and loop through the air and drift back down to the ground. It was more wonderful than I would have imagined and too brief. I wonder if I will ever get to experience that again?

It would have been a good time even without the magic show. The mermaids had a fascinating water clock which captivated the Princess and myself during our wait. I tried to follow the mechanism, I’d love to build my own someday but it would be easier if I could get the plans off someone, or some advice from its maker. Might need to wait until we have settled down for travelling, or expect to stay a long while somewhere. Worth it to create such a masterpiece.

Afterwards the Princess went to play on a little island with Uta and the ball that had been conjured for them, and I wandered into the lecture hall. That is where it got extremely weird, and I know this seems a late moment to place such a warning but it is true.

I only caught the end of the lecture, which made a catalogue of kinds of dragon in this world and their monarchs. It was interesting, although very confusing – I had never heard any of this before, and the thought of actually encountering a dragon sent a shiver through me. But that is not truly where it is so weird.

After the lecture ended I went to collect the Princess and Uta, but Uta wanted to go into the lecture hall I’d just left. It turns out she knows the lecturer, a mermaid by the name of [???]. And, I could scarcely believe what she suggested, but Uta agreed and so, somehow, this wolf companion of the Princess is truly the royal green dragon I had just been hearing of in the lecture before!?!? The royal Midori-Ryuu, dragon of Spring.

She does not look like a dragon and yet everyone in this city has recognised her. It must somehow be true. My head hurts to think of this and I wonder what it will mean. Will Uta want to be treated differently? Has she important business to attend to? I overheard something about a meeting next week, so perhaps we had better escort her.

I don’t know how to process this. The wolf who has watched over the Princess from her early years, actually among the four great dragons of another world? It makes my head spin.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Location: transfixed, vibrating
Current Music: Lad - Julia Wolfe

Motions happening on a couple of RP fronts. Still got our regular Fatefinder game tomorrow (for which I still have some harpy sociality to be decided) but we've also got some new game prospects happening.

Ami's been wanting to run a Vampire: The Masquerade game for a while and it looks like that will be starting up soon. I'm planning to play Ravenna Estrella, (née Susan Wilkins), a Toreador who has decided to reinvent herself as a wealthy socialite now that she believes the rules of the mortal world no longer apply to her. She sees this as an opportunity to cast off the dull soul-crashing life she used to lead and to no longer do all that tedious "caring about others". So, her demeanour is Bon Vivant while I'm thinking Autocrat for her Nature. Especially since we've been trying to work out what to do for her sire and I'm thinking whoever it was has since grown bored of her and discarded her so now Ravenna is trying to get that attention back.

Someone who believes she is beyond humanity but actually is still bound by her obsessions with image and status that arise from her mortal life.

As an interlude or side game when the party completes Murder on the Silken Caravan we're gearing up to try playing with the actual Pathfinder rulest using module D0 - Hollow's Last Hope, a small adventure released for Free RPG Day way back [secret: this was actually published for D&D 3.5 and I've had to do a tiny bit of work to convert it onward to Pathfinder]. It's set in Falcon's Hollow, in Darkmoon Vale and if people enjoy it there are enough other modules set in the same area which could carry the party all the way up to level 8 if we wish.

Plus the process of character building has been back-story suggestive enough I've got some ideas for how we might go off or extend the rails to try and resolve some individual character plots. But we'll see if we even get that far.

So far we've got:

Snowcaster Elf (possible Tiefling)    (Unchained?) Rogue [Sniper] (swapping out traits for the Gunsmith feature from the Gunslinger)
Human                            (Unchained?) Rogue [Underground Chemist] (using Heirloom Weapon trait for scythe + proficiency)
Ratfolk                            Swashbuckler (Pirat wielding a rapier)

With a party like this it's obvious I'm going to need to be familiar with:
How to trigger sneak attacks
Which creatures are and are not vulnerable to sneak and precision damage
Thrown weapons
Splash damage
Trip attacks
Interaction between 2-handed weapons (the scythe) and drawing and throwing alchemical weapons (our chemist again)

Things I'll need to be familiar with for the adventure itself:
Overland travel
Navigation and wilderness hazards (especially forest and river)
Flight
Stealth & Perception
Special monster attacks like: constrict, grab, poison, pounce, rake, trip, web
Identifying items
Identifying creatures
Senses: blindsight, darkvision, low-light vision
Spell-like abilities

Current Music: Fan-whisk

I may have to give up on being astounded. We have arrived at the city Komae, halfway to the Imperial Palace and I am feeling less and less that I understand this world. Uta, the wolf who halfway took the Princess in as her cub – everyone here is greeting her as “Your majesty”!!! I don’t know what to make of it, except everyone here seems to recognise her as a figure of great deference and honour.

It seems not to be a case of mistaken identity, either. No, Uta hasn’t started speaking to us, but she has body language and responds that way to the Princess’s questions. That’s a relief. I would hate to be executed because someone realised the wolf we travel with isn’t the same wolf as the wolf they thought she was.

So far we have been ushered into the city, guided to a ‘rustic’ inn which is as well-appointed as any I have stayed in, been let into Komae’s famed Mermaid Gardens at no charge, and been allowed to take our pick of bathing suits, again with no charge. It all feels too good to be true, but perhaps the Princess is accustomed to such treatment. I am not, even when I have looked out for her in the Imperial Palace – the other Imperial Palace, the one back home – before.

And I ought to note that I say the Mermaid Gardens are famed on the word of one Asai, proprietor of the Sakura Roots. He under whose roof we stay this night.

Current Mood: bouncy

We opted to keep the oni stone and transport it ourselves to the imperial city. To keep it from feeding on more of our belongings I was able to scrounge an armful of damaged or defective glassware from one of the market sellers but am uneasy with how pleased the stone… Matri… was with this.

Before I could worry too much we were waylaid by an enormous animate glove. Or I think we were waylaid? The Princess, in her customary manner, gave it friendly courtesy and won over the bizarre apparition and its hidden master, who I still mistrust but who seems to like us well enough for now. We share our fire this night, and I hope the morning’s light will not show us a different face.

I do not know what to make of this man, who claims to be from a land “Scandinavia” on the far side of China, yet I have never heard of it. He tells tall tales, of Jotuns and a goddess of the dead who loves him so much she will not keep him, and of many worlds beyond this and our home. How much to believe him I do not know, yet he does not feel false.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Pungeon Crawl!

I don’t know what to make of these latest events. It all seemed straightforward enough. We woke, we had breakfast, we visited the markets. And then another of those strange nekogoblins tried to steal Princess Kamiko’s soap!

We caught him before he could get away, but the yaoguai was so insistent the Princess ended up giving him her soap anyway. Although that did give her the opportunity to purchase a new, cute bar of soap with a cat emblazoned upon it. I bought for myself a new cloak, with a fox image – it seems everything here has a cute animal image. That’s strange but comforting.

The theft was bizarre however, and made weirder by the townsfolk asking if we could restore order and get those nekogoblins to stop thieving from them every day. I’m not sure why they thought we could solve their problems. Maybe because we are new and we showed an interest, or everyone else has tried and failed. But Buchi had already got away with the soap and the Princess was feeling sick, so we set aside our pursuit for tomorrow.

This time we spotted Buchi well enough for the day’s theft, and we didn’t have any problem trailing him back to the camp where the rest of the nekogoblins live. I wasn’t sure what to do next. How do you convince people to stop stealing and conduct themselves right? When we caught Buchi the day before, and the Princess gave him her soap, he still ran off gloating that he stole it.

The Princess wanted to try some sort of ritual. Apparently she can do magic? Apparently magic exists? Maybe that is another property of this strange world… can I do magic? She never mentioned it before so, I don’t know. I suppose I must get used to it because- well.

I set myself up to guard while she performed her ritual. Just as well, as near the conclusion one of the sentries decided to stroll in our direction. I tried to create a distraction to keep em away and failed miserably. Fortunately in the fight that followed I acquitted myself much better and I dare say had my opponents fooled into thinking I was some sort of dashing folk hero.

Although I wonder how much they will recall of that, as right away the Princess’ ritual finished and the furry nekogoblins found themselves compelled to cuddle-pile her like the cat-folk they resemble. It was bizarre and unsettling to witness, as if she had suddenly dosed them all with catnip.

With the whole camp converging on the Princess this did give me an opportunity to get into the cave where we guessed the mysterious Matri lived who they were stealing for. But I was not expecting to get such a pounding headache from merely looking at the thing in there. It conjured visions and twisted words to speak, and offered me power.

I like to think I am no fool so I got out of there immediately. I grabbed the Princess out from under her large and purring pile and we started back for the town. Whatever that thing was, it is no ordinary stone and it seemed to me we must learn more about it before we could address whatever influence it has been having over the nekogoblins that they would steal for it.

The Princess is strong-willed, however, and she wanted to take it immediately, so we came back under the cover of darkness and I crept in and took it. As we walked back it spoke to us, bargaining, trying to tempt us with offers of power if we… I don’t think we asked what it wanted in return but it showed the destruction of my home and claimed it could make me strong enough to prevent such things from happening.

It is troubling. We slept unnaturally well that night and in the morning a few of our small belongings had vanished. I suppose that this is why the nekogoblins had been stealing every day, to feed it. We took it right away to the blacksmith hoping to destroy the stone in her forge but what she told us is troubling.

This Matri, this sinister stone is somehow a lump of condensed evil that has fallen from the heavens. The smith says it is unbelievably precious and could be forged into an object of great power if we took it to the imperial city. But it seems to have been growing from what should have been a tiny rock to something much more substantial by consuming nearby objects each night.

I do not trust it. I am concerned, but I find myself strangely reluctant to destroy even a being that is material evil.

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Anthracite Fields - Julia Wolfe

Looks like all the bad things waited to pile up today.

Got up early, or rather, did not sleep in, to get my car serviced. Difficult to stay unconscious all the way to my alarm as the cat my sister and her boyfriend adopted and then abandoned here this month is not a fan of folk sleeping past 05:00 when they could be feeding her. I ended up waiting in their office for three hours instead of taking a shuttle (no Christmas shopping as such to do - all I wanted was groceries, which did not seem likely to keep until the car was ready). pet's being sick so lots of worry and wanting to comfort, although we're sure it is short-duration. Doesn't make it any more fun.

Finished reading Power Girl: Power Trip pretty quickly (so ought to write down my thoughts on that while they're still fresh). Listened to part of spotify's 'composer weekly' on Julia Wolfe, noting down some works to explore later ("Dark Full Ride" and "Into the Clouds" stood out so far), and reading some of the GameMastery Guide.

Found out a friend is getting abruptly booted out of home by their long-term partner so lots of sympathetic distress and concern. And, too far away to be much of any help either. Fortunately there are others who can but still, lots worry. I don't think this will end in homelessness but it's still going to be extremely life-destructive, not even counting the emotional devastation.

Until I got back in the car I wasn't sure whether I would go directly home or get groceries first. Groceries proved to be a mistake, much later, when I got home and discovered the lid had been knocked loose on my water bottle and leaked through my bag. All seemed fine except the Power Girl comic I borrowed from work. I've done my best to dry it out while hiding from a hostile family aura for not letting in their dog when a storm suddenly arose and then disappeared. I worry I wasn't quick or thorough enough - shouldn't be hiding.

Things are not good.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: that silence which might be tinnitus

Yesterday afternoon [actually Monday] I had what might develop into a revelation. I hate the weakness and frailty of being human, having to deal with sickness or age or being provoked or whatever. So maybe that is part of why I latched onto adventure stories or still hold onto them, and why it tends to get to me when those stories do go into torture or mind control or, really, anything that forces either the protagonists to show themselves as mortal or else to run up against my suspension of disbelief.

Here's a common, trivial sort of example: a character is taunted by another, especially with insults directed at family. The taunted character responds with ill-considered violence and suffers for it.

Perhaps to develop this idea in the future, when I can think more clearly on it?

Tuesday, the drive home included an episode of Writing Excuses put some familiar advice back in my awareness. I should follow it if I ever put KMS into editing. The first story especially should be starting much later than where I began it. Not going to act on that yet, not until I've got at least a few more written, a better feel for the shape of the characters and the world and the stories.

Today: cool and grey and not wet enough. The branch library was very quiet. Most complex part of the day was having to refuse to make change for someone (would've been cleaned out) while simultaneously getting a cleaner access to a locked room. Newish casual co-worker so some getting-to-know-you and showing her how to do a few things.

I marked off a large number of books and other items across several lists, all confirmed missing from the shelves for definite. Feels like I didn't do much today but really, that was more than thirty pages of missing items. That was plenty.

This evening resuming chess with my pet after several stymied days. As I've been telling everyone who'll listen, I managed to confuse her king with her queen and made a move accordingly... after that I just couldn't get my bearings. Plus her defences are pretty formidable to my eyes.

What I've realised tonight is I only know how to move the pieces in chess; I don't know how to play. Something new to learn.

Now, bed. Up early again in the morning to get my car serviced.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Eldritch fanfic recitals

Urgent to do: find out why my new shoes are wearing so painfully on my right heel, make that stop happening.

Weird feeling today listening to an episode of SETI Radio's "Are We Alone?" on the drive home and they were talking about the 'new' movie Jumper. Thinking wow, I'm really getting into the present times now (no. Bush is on the outs as US president, Rudd is on the ins as Aus PM).

Let's get the sequence canonised for the day before yesterday's fight scene:

1) Harpy flies out of the statue climbed and attempts to use her Captivating Song on our heroes. Bolbins, the group's halfling rogue covers the ears of Jeanne, the group's (human) paladin of freedom to help her resist. They both fail, but Jeanne only barely thanks to the intervention, while Bolbins fails badly enough to give the harpy two free invocations on her song. The harpy demands her sister back.

2) Bolbins offers the harpy's sister in exchange for the captive the harpies took. The harpy proposes she kill and eat everyone and get her sister back that way. This is treated as a social conflict and the harpy doesn't roll as well as Bolbins, who has a negotiation stunt. The harpy marks off her 1-point stress box. Jeanne spends her turn attempting to throw off the effects of the harpy's song and succeeds, no longer under that influence. Unfortunately after this Jeanne's player needs to lay down and sits out the rest of the session.

3) The players respond to this declaration of hostile intent by attacking. Amena, the elven wizard, tries to use telekinesis to batter the harpy against the statue, but fails and in resisting this the wind of the harpy's wings buffets Amena to the ground.

4) Miyaro, the kitsune kensai, hurls her haunted sword Foxbane at the harpy. The harpy is unable to dodge quickly enough and the blade lodges in the harpy's back. The harpy marks off her 3-point stress box.

5) The harpy invokes her song against Bolbins, attempting to compel him to step off the ledge toward her and plummet to his death. Knowing there's a residual levitation spell on him from earlier, he voluntarily fails his save and with Amena's guidance they successfully make it appear as though he has been killed.

6) The harpy swoops in to grab her kill. Miyaro leaps up and grabs Foxbane, dragging the blade through the harpy's body (marking off the harpy's final 2-point stress box and is therefore Taken Out). After some deliberation on the part of Miyaro's player, she decides the harpy will be killed by this rather than driven off or knocked unconscious.

TO DO for Saturday: decide if the mother harpy will fight for / over her daughters or flee; decide how the captive harpy will feel about the destruction of her family (does she feel they abused her? is she so evil she is glad for the elimination of rivals? will she be heartbroken?).

Meanwhile have collected the pie dish back from the library, finding it empty and washed clean. The library is getting much quieter toward the end of the year, which is useful for me trying to catch up on the missing items lists of past months but can be awkward when between tasks.

Feel like there should be more to this day but whatever, just writing something feels like enough victory for now.

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Fan-whisk

[this is the journal I kept while playing in a Ryuutama campaign earlier this year]

We have set out on our journey into this strange, new world. I do not know how long we will be here, nor if my journal will ever make its way back home if I do not.

We are not alone in this world. As well as myself and the Princess, the Emperor has sent a stranger named Viridian to explore also. Naoko will be staying at the portal on our side to facilitate communication; when last I saw him he was beginning construction of a cabin which will shelter him through the months, possibly years we shall be stranded here.

I hope that he will not encounter any problems. We were only a little ways from the portal when the Princess and I encountered a strange, catlike yaoguai calling himself Kotaro. He seemed quite friendly, especially after the Princess found his missing earring. However I worry that if there are more such beings in the area they may cause problems for Naoko.

Our second day was miserable. It rained heavily throughout. I felt sick and so did the Princess. Fortunately she appears to have a knack for travel and steered us to a village, where we have found warm welcome and an inn to stay the night. I am concerned about the Princess however – she appears to have been unaware that the portal between worlds opens only on eclipse days, and that we will not be able to return until the next eclipse at the very soonest. I am sure she would not have been permitted to embark on this journey without that fact being impressed upon her very firmly and it is worrying that she would have taken those warnings so blithely.

Mayhaps she is pranking me, or our kind host. If so, I hope Akemi of the Dancing Octopus has a generous sense of humour.

Current Mood: blank

Feel like today hasn't gone well. Morning walk as usual, and then watching Young Frankenstein with my pet. That was fun and checked off what I had thought of as the last major Mel Brooks movie I hadn't seen (but I was only aware of Men in Tights, Blazing Saddles and The Producers otherwise [and of The Producers had only seen the remake]) so there is still a ways to go if I want to claim that accomplishment.

After that we had this week's Fatefinders game, in which our party takes a shortcut to harpies. Since the group's paladin, Jeanne, has as her trouble aspect Can't Say No To Women, I offered that for a fate point she would be completely taken in by the harpies' song and drop her sword to approach (and none of the NPCs with them were given a chance to resist either). In return I didn't ask any of the rest of the party to roll to resist and granted that automatically. Maybe this made the conflict too easy but I bet it was more fun.

Trouble came first with the special effects. I thought I'd got inputs and outputs set up to push audio effects through the call, and thought I'd confirmed this with the group, but toward the end discovered no one had heard any of it. Some panicked tweaking later and it worked for a bit? But not effectively and we were out of the action by then anyway. So overall disappointing there.

And, and, I really have got to do better at acting out the non-player characters. A lot of the time they may as well not be present in the scene at all. That's probably where most of my preparation should be going to at the moment. Next week will make a good opportunity for that, as when they took out one of the harpies they elected to have her knocked unconscious and plucked of her feathers by the wind spell, instead of killed, and now there are noises about adopting her onto their side. That's going to be quite a challenge all round.

Worse, when one player questioned whether this could be an ethical relationship between Jeanne and the harpy (now dubbed Anya), or if harpies are mere beasts, the rest of the group was pretty scornful of the question. I think I let that go on too long and worry his feelings were hurt. Got to be careful of that, and of complete digressions. Don't want to hurt people's feelings or deflate the atmosphere of the game entirely.

Been feeling pretty flat and subdued since today's game. A while after I finally managed to set up and try streaming Zork: The Great Underground Empire. Last time I tried to play I got pretty lost, so this time I had an easel and sketch pad set up with a webcam so I could draw a map of the game's layout as I explored. Of course I got lost almost immediately anyway.

Eventually I got my bearings, and found an option in Frotz to use text-to-speech, which frees me from having to read aloud the description of each room. May help me pace too, as I won't want to accumulate too long a backlog of text to read out.

Once I got underground I rapidly had a string of bad luck, with the thief robbing me of the elven sword immediately - there was I think no action I could have taken to stop this or to recover the sword. I still had a knife but this proved ineffective against the troll guarding access to most of the complex, and when trying to find an alternate path I accidentally dropped my rope down a chasm. So, frustrated, I quit thereafter. Maybe it would have been possible to recover but I have no idea how. I'm tempted to investigate this; I'm trying to play relatively unspoiled but that may prove overly ambitious of me.

It also proved to be a mistake to be idling in a voice channel on discord, marked for streaming. The rest of the gang joined in after a short while and talked over me and off-topic to the point of narrating other games they were playing, drastically hindering my ability to focus and play and enjoy doing so. Next time I won't do that, but be warned anyone who follows the link above, that will be the bulk of the hour recorded.

Tomorrow we're back to work for the week. I wonder if I will feel the energy to journal anything after getting back home.

Current Mood: exanimate

My current objective with dreamwidth is to try writing most days about what I'm doing, what's happened, what I'm working on and whatever musings may be prompted by this. I write these using RedNoteBook, which is a tool I've been using intermittently for many years now. It's a good tool for diarying but not so great for preparing several posts on a variety of topics.

Today we started with a walk in the neighbourhood, be-hatted, with sunglasses and doused in sunscreen. It's a tough balance between trying to stay active and not die of skin cancer in this season. Then, an episode of Adam Ruins Everything with my pet (sleep! at first worried it would only be about mattress sales techniques which wasn't so interesting, but then it went on to confirm most of beliefs about sleep generally which was at least gratifying).

A couple of the players in my Fatefinder game had school deadlines so we're planning to play tomorrow (after assignments and exams are taken care of) and instead today I devoted several hours to the baking of that lemon meringue pie for next week at work. With any luck it will survive until I can distribute it to my co-workers.

Tonight, made sure to add those cultural elements referred to yesterday into my notes for the game so hopefully I won't forget them. And they probably won't even come up, like a bunch of the details I added for last session proved surplus to requirements. Better to have them than not and go wanting, tho. In this case I ended up flipping the direction which I'm feeling makes for a more interesting story and marginally trickier decisions.

Working a bit more on The Lost Heart. Managed to turn a creative block into The Artist of the Intersected Flesh, who I'm now quite pleased with, thanks to a bit of pet consultation. >^.^< Now I just need to decide who or why would become a dragon, and which -- like Pathfinder, Starfinder has an inordinately large variety of dragons and for a circumstance like this I feel it may be out of theme to have more than one.

So which dragon will we have, and what is it about this person who drives em to become a great beast of power and accumulation?

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: somewhere between desk and imagination
Current Music: The loud silence of the interval between

Much quieter day today. Ventured down to the shops and picked up ingredients to bake a lemon meringue pie - that will be Sunday's task, for the library Xmas afternoon tea next week. The plans I had originally laid for cooking this week grew too much for me to handle with the complication of pie, so with some quick thinking (relatively speaking) I roasted some vegetables and prepared corned beef instead of having to discover access points for previously unused ingredients and the possible improvisation they may have required.

Now winding down for the night I prepare to watch the latest episode of The Good Place with my pet, and life seems not so bad. Earlier, watched a fan-made Sailor Moon movie with a group of friends and suspect I enjoyed it more than the others did. Felt like there was a pleasing sincerity to it despite the bad acting and awful sound construction, and it was almost surely better made than most of the other bad movies we've been watching.

Practised some voice for tomorrow's game and getting a feel for potential creature actions, plus cultural elements in case something entirely outside scenario but within scope of my anticipations happens (for example- well, 'spoilers'). If they reach beyond that, well, I'll just have to stay on my toes.

For the Star Wars campaign, which so far is looking to be titled The Lost Heart, been looking thru Starfinder's Alien Archives for suitable creatures to represent warlords in season 3 and attempting to spin a little story about eir particular corruption and area of concern. Perhaps I better work on places and organisations too, but the latest one is leaning into supporting that direction already. And part of the creation of places and organisations depends on player character group creation anyway, so some but not all will have to wait until this one is ready to gallop off into the night.

So far we have the Lurker on the Reef of Stars, Prince of the Dead Sun, and the Reader of the Lost Archive

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: ST:D The Brightest Star

Dear diary,

With the impending collapse of tumblr it seems to me I should write to you more often. Not, that is, that I have been writing so very much there that I feel a need to displace that writing elsewhere. Tumblr's reblog system leaves me rather too worried of losing control of my words and their being passed around to assorted strangers who will eventually find me failing some hidden standard and so bend all their will and energy to destroy me. It's an irrational fear since the same could happen no matter where I speak if I let my words be seen. But it is a large part of why I do not speak on that platform and stick instead to reblogging what I find cute or funny or think another would enjoy encountering.

This isn't exactly true either. I write to you at intervals but can never quite capture a day within the day, and then next day that has become the past, unimportant, and we skip the stage of anything like publication. Maybe a fifth? I can't remember and don't care to check.

Today featured a big trip across town to get a new oestrogen implant put in, plus prescriptions. I picked something up for the library's secret santa next week. Later, having breakfast at a café and reading Batgirl/Robin Year One, had a little conversation with the person waiting my table and managed to get some poetry recs out of em.

The names:

- R. H. Sin
- Michael Faudet
- Lang Leav
- Rupi Kaur
- Robert M. Drake

Been thinking, recently, again, of exploring some poetry. Likely to take a while. There are still several books to read in my current exploration of comics.

In the material world I'm pleased to say that this year I've managed to pass my classes for this year. Combine those with next year's enrolments and I'll finally be done with what I failed in 2016. Hate to admit that.

In gaming terms the Fatefinder Society has been going well. Lots of fun deviations from and elaborations on the scenarios. Looking forward to where we go in the next few sessions which I'm hoping will get to actually advance some character stories. Not everyone has a backstory I can readily find a forward direction for, but it's fun keeping those in mind and looking for opportunities to tie in with each scenario we play.

Unfortunately the Rise of the Runelords game I was so excited about running last year looks like it won't be happening, thanks to our old friend non-participation. I know that's the typical fate of role-playing games but still disappointing. Maybe I could recruit some other people to play instead.

For the moment, however, my main excitements are to try and write some adventures of my own. Especially the Star Wars sequel game that I've been considering for a few years, using Starfinder as the system, but also enjoying trying to find a circumstance inspired by each creature in the Pathfinder bestiaries and exploring where those ideas take me.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: none

]Thurday 2018-02-22]

Down again today. The slow and painful process of hopefully coming to terms with the fact this life is empty and I won't meet the goals I used to have.

Walked down to the park earlier and some exercise before walking back. Leftover soup for breakfast, laundry out. Back in school from the end of the month so this afternoon is an attempt to catch up on the backlog of messages in my student inbox and get to grips with what will be required of me this semester.

Fortunately no messages seem to have been sent since I went on leave. Unless some of those that were not sent would have proved to be crucial, in which case this is unfortunate. I'd think I fell afoul of maximum inbox sizes except there doesn't appear to be a way to delete old messages and that would be terrible design.

[yesterday, Saturday 2018-02-25]

Feeling especially miserable today. Suppose I did some things tho? Depending how you count 'doing' and 'things'.

Over the past few days I've gone over the subject outline and the backlog in my inbox, as well as a big chunk of the announcements for the course overall. The textbook for this subject is the same as when I previously attempted it in 2016, including the edition, so I already own a copy of that. The class formally begins on Monday so I had better make a start on the actual course materials and readings tomorrow, as I will be too tired from work to make much progress earlier than Thursday otherwise. It's going to be rough studying again especially when I'm not fixated on the topic, but that is always my problem. I'll just have to do my best nonetheless.

Had a call with R. for the first time in I don't know how long. We're both pretty bad at conversation these days, and both feeling quite hopeless, but maybe with practice we can turn things around.

Finished watching season 3 of Lexx with E. That show certainly continues to be the thing which it is. Although the last few episodes felt like a pointed message from the creators: "Yes, we know what we've made, and we could do better, but we choose not to".

Finished watching the first episode of Forbrydelsen which took a few attempts to get all the way through. Not because it has been difficult or unpleasant viewing, but because I'm trying an experiment I've been pondering for a while and taking detailed notes as I watch, with correspondingly frequent pauses. I'm wondering if this approach will give me any sort of mystery-solving insight.

Finished watching the first season of Bron/Broen (this and Forbrydelsen I may as well make an effort to refer to by their untranslated titles, to distinguish them from their US remakes). Don't know how long that took me. Maybe a year in the latest attempt? I space out too much and falter on even the things I am supposedly doing for fun. I'd like to fix that, if I can rebuild better habits. Despite having previously seen the British/French remake The Tunnel, still found the conclusion rather emotional and a bit tearful. Saga is at this moment probably my favourite character for autistic representation, as I can't currently think of any I like better for that role.

Read chunks of the Dungeon World system reference document last night and today. It's intriguing, and more constrained in some ways than I had imagined but still very evocative and I would like to give it a play someday. However for the game I am contemplating with A., it still feels that Fate would be a better fit. But I really ought to get those ideas down on paper, literal or digital, so we can actually go somewhere with them. I'm intimidated however to think starting off running RPGs with something that isn't based off anyone's published module.

Suppose I'm scared of having to be improvisationally creative. There's a lot of time I'm doubtful I ever have been or could be creative, so it's daunting. Even though I like to make things up, or imagine making things up.

Also been discussing some solo Pathfinder game with Ami, based on the character she was planning for Rise of the Runelords. And if that campaign does go ahead someday too, it can just be a parallel universe, an alternate history. We've been watching My Hero Academia and, since her character has a bit of a boarding school in her future, I've been looking at basing some of the other students on the characters in that manga and anime. But probably only very loosely. I'd already been thinking of using a Grippli for a character based lightly on Froppy and tonight had the idea of building that character as a Bogborn Alchemist.

Current Mood: happy

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aesmael

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Entries tagged with games

At the lip of the great dark chasm

Is it a trap?

Lin Hai's Journal - 8

Lin Hai's Journal - 7

Lin Hai's Journal - 6 [Dragon Lecture]

Today I

Lin Hai's Journal - 5

Futures untold

Lin Hai's Journal - 4

Lin Hai's Journal - 3

Lin Hai's Journal - 2

Parenthetically

Days upon days

The victory of Monday

Lin Hai's Journal - 1

Contrary to aspirations

Fewer battles than that

Cosing home, shaping stars

You know what? This

Perpetually catching up