Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

I've been wanting to do NaNoWriMo this year, but I've also been trying to be all responsible and productive, which makes it harder to justify long stretches of time writing each day. Or 'writing', as is more often the case. The plan I've settled on is to put some time toward studying each day, and if after taking care of that and any other urgent, important business there is still time, then I should write. No particular story in mind this year, once again I am aiming to work scattershot on a variety of small ones. My real goal is to get back into a regular writing habit.

The study is especially important, as I got a letter back unexpectedly quickly offering me a place in the course I applied to. Much of yesterday was used up accepting the offer and reading over documents I am required to read. So today will be putting in mandatory application for optional government loan on an already-subsidised course of study. I've been quite worried that I won't be sufficiently prepared this time round either, so I am making extra effort to reacquaint myself with physics and mathematics between now and then.

I aim to be more organised, capable and diligent than I was a decade ago, and actually get this done. Really, I am in a very fortunate position to have the opportunity.

In other news, I was bored at work last week and started taking down notes on scrap paper for some personal projects. One side was for a library classification system I'd like to develop:

Top-level categories - three? Roughly Knowledge, Action, and Creation. Knowledge, straightforwardly(?) about 'things' in the world, containing e.g. Computing, Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, Language, Mathematics, Sociology, Technology, History, Law, Chemistry, Politics, Biology, Physics.

'Creation' covers creative works + their criticism and interpretation, etc. Includes drama, music, poetry, prose fiction, essays, comedy.

'Action' covers activities which are primarily something done, such as play or entertainment, rather than descriptions or theories about the world or acts of imaginative creation, though subsets may include both or either. Includes sports, athletics, motor racing, performing arts, board games, computer games, role-playing games, card games, and other formal or informal competitions at which generally the only thing at stake is itself (or the contents of wagers).

Design principle: 'unboxed'. To avoid the DDC pitfall of cramming less (designer perspective) central material into the margins as new is discovered or deemed sufficiently important. Each level should in principle be open-ended, so that new sub/categories can be added and occupy the same amount of notational space as previous categories. May be best to use letters since those are not decimalised and can be wrapped around e.g. 'A', 'AA', 'AAA', etc. However with proper hierarchy markers numbers may not be a problem, and thus become desirable as less in need of translation.

Interdisciplinary work + 3 spatial dimensions precludes perfect cataloguing and shelving.

The other is part of a series of exercises in mapping for the game Doom. I'm not sure what the long-term benefit would be, since it is not as if I have grand future plans those are merely a skill-development prelude to, but it is something I would like to do. The first of those exercises is making replacements for each map in the original game, within vanilla (i.e. unmodified) limits and taking inspiration from the original map name and some other elements. That is, to practice by making my own take on the originally released game. So, I wrote down some notes for my level ideas, which have been rattling around for a few months now. I really ought to either succeed at getting an editor to work on Ubuntu or getting access to a Windows machine.

E1M1 (The Hangar): Former humans + imps only, no keys, no shotgun. Ideal design: two large, open, cratey rooms (the hangars), 'bridge' crosses a chasm and reverse direction through area overlooked by starting zone, proceeds straight to exit. Secret area: after bridge, lowered wall ambush leading to a 'shooting gallery' running parallel to the main path for several rooms - player should be able to ambush some monsters within the gallery and in the regular run. Possibly a further secret to a last stand room. Open + airy feel.

E1M2 (Nuclear Plant): Early encounter in one direction with locked doors, no key on map. Former humans, imps, demons, secret shotgun. Early, easy key (make it hard to miss). Rad-suit in small switch-opened compartment (can we do overlooking glass window from control room?). To access second half of map player must proceed through reactor area. Bounded by airlock (used timed door if possible to force it remaining closed a while after passing through), player must seal their entrance to open an access tunnel, and fight through that to the exit-airlock. Entire space between airlocks is radiation zone. Enclosed feeling, tight corridors. Map is relatively small, to be revisited later.

E1M3 (Toxin Refinery): Lots of perilous catwalks around toxic sludge, barrel areas, active machinery if possible. Teleporter ambushes in awkward environments to fight from.

As you can see, I don't have so many specifics in mind for E1M3 as yet. The major concept I have in mind is to feature damaging 'nukage' floors a lot more than the official level, where they show up only occasionally, and try to a) make the playing area more interesting and difficult with environmental hazards and b) make the map look a bit more like that stuff is actually processed there. Since this is the map with the exit to the secret level, I need to come up with a somewhat interesting puzzle to unlock that too. I like the idea, too, of introducing the first teleporter ambushes of the episode make what seemed a safe, easy path suddenly cramped and dangerous, with the player at risk of falling into the toxic liquid (not far) below if overzealous in evasion. This would also be the first level that outright gives the player a shotgun, as well as featuring shotgunners / sergeants as enemies.

A concept I would like to use in general is what I call 'last stand' areas, where most new weapons and notable supply caches are found in areas decorated to indicate your fellow space marines died with or wielding them. Or else are traps.

E1M9 (Military Base): Almost exclusively zombie / possessed enemies. I want to feature tight, oppressive spaces with lots of line triggers revealing enemies and being sniped at from cubby-holes. Possibly some more open corridors too. Given the previous map, player should probably enter from something like the sewer. Chaingun or multiple chainguns present only in secrets. At the end of the map, the player should be ambushed by a swarm of imps and demons, the only non-humans on the map.

Ideas for further on are vaguer. Since I think I am probably not so great skillwise, am planning to balance maps so that I find them hard on the middle difficulty and shape the other difficulties around that. Shall see if these ideas get anywhere.

Leading particle physicists have recently announced they have given up the search for the Higgs bosun, to focus instead on seeking evidence of the elusive Higgs ninja. The Higgs ninja is believed to be responsible for mass, via a process of sneaking around and gluing particles together when no one is looking.

Of their reasons for switching focus one spokesperson has been quoted as saying "We simply don't believe a pirate force could have evaded detection all these years" and more pertinently that "Very few subatomic particles show evidence of having been boarded."
aesmael: (transformation)
With accompanying increased hip-swaying, is easier to feel tail swish while walking about. Although sometimes this can lead to self-consciousness. The embarrassed sort, not the kinaesthetic pleasure sort that was the first thing.
aesmael: (she gets smaller)
Fear, coupled with perfectionism. Those can lead to rejecting reading, seeing, attempting something because you fear you may learn from it, or be changed.

We speak of rigidity, and fear of... death? The sense that this self, that I must best, strive to be as ideal and superior as possible. That then to be such a being I must derive independently the stances which I hold, opinions and beliefs. In feeling pressured, compelled... in feeling it so deep and pervasive that it is not even recognised even as a pressure rather than the invisible way of things, the shape of thoughts. In so feeling that drive learning, beyond the plain questioning of information sources or studying facts and figures and formulae, learning becomes something to fear.

If we, if I, in such a view do learn from others as teachers that becomes a failure, a diminishment. It means we have failed to discover this ourselves and lost also the chance to discover it in the future for now we are tainted by incorporating the ideas of others. No longer pure, what we in future discover and think will be influenced by these others and not us not I so brilliant being.

If this the view of others as teacher, how much greater the terror and resistance of what might be called transformative experience. We fear to let go. I fear to release hold of myself. Any relinquishing of control, but especially the prospect of some definite change in result. Something from outside, you see, that if I let go, release tight hold and control on what is me and allow such influence, allow to be swept up, allow to learn or experience something so likely perspective-changing, allow that I be not sole control, adjudicator, shaper, to surrender this illusion of being solitary independent seeker who might manage a superior perfection of self-enlightenment... well, more than failure, that feels like death. So shrieking mostly inward do I flee and recoil.

I am then afraid and seek to let go, not having yet done so, because it seems sometimes death is necessary for moving forward. At least, it seems by holding on my own happiness is limited and I'm not so to get where I want to go. Not by holding on to such sources of fear.
aesmael: (haircut)
In this society we cannot truly be self-sufficient as it is an interrelated web of needs and support, we are largely invisibly dependent on each other. However, there is a set of abilities which people are pressured to have and which we are now calling societal self-sufficiency. That is the ability to appear self-sufficient in the context of this society: to earn enough money to pay for food and other living expenses, to be able to handle appointments, bills, and other such things which crop up without relying on another to do for em. Someone who can do this, alone or as a significant contributor in a cooperative household, is considered societally self-sufficient.
aesmael: (haircut)
Before I sleep I want to finish reconsolidating my presence on SHARDS / Melantha, now that we're back. Bringing back over that which was worked on elsewhere and setting everything to its proper place.

While I was in exile my fingers were itching to be writing, not having done so for a couple of weeks at that point. Unfortunately the story I should have been editing all along was locked away here and I could not get power on long enough to transfer elsewhere (this sort of calamity makes me appreciate having moved to mostly web-based services for many things), so instead I began work on the next story I wanted to write.

Now it is back here, but not without complication. The next two stories, I wanted to trial them on Celtx and yWriter (only one for each) to see if I would find software designed for the task to be convenient for me. So I have just installed the newest version of yWriter and am transferring the aforementioned newly begun story from Google Documents.

The new project wizard is opened.

Step 1: Please enter the project title

Not very good with names or titles.

Ummm...

*struck by a minor inspiration*

"A Library Fox"

There. Kind of like it, even.

Step 2: Next, please enter the author's name

Did I mention not being good with names?

uhhhhhhhhh

Oh crap.

uhhhhmmmmmm

Help? This is harder than writing the story. Who am I today? What is my name this time? If 'my' and 'name' even go together and aren't one trying to claim a unitary authority which does not belong.

No, no, no. Those names are all taken by people you know. Memory misfires; let one of yours surface, if a name must be named. A compound, nearest approximation of that particular weight and shape which would feel right. Let it for now stand.

Step 3: Now specify your project folder

*pause*

*type type type*

*stretches*

So we begin.


[Note(ish): occurrences of pronoun 'I' often a discomfitted concession to not knowing what would fit better there]
aesmael: (she gets smaller)
Yes, that seems like a good idea. I miss stories.

They used to be... so important.
aesmael: (tricicat)
Dear Greater Macrocosm,

A great majority of the persons with whom I am in correspondence exist in a separate 'time zone' to me; possibly they are phase-shifted from reality or from another planet, I can't be bothered sorting out all these finicky details. This causes any communication involving named days of the week to become wracked with ambiguity, and not any of the fun kinds.

Therefore, I am instituting the following reforms, effective immediately:
Illusory Day Real Day Unified Reference Scheme (URS) Day
Monday Sunday Smunday
Tuesday Monday Tuensday
Wednesday Tuesday Wuesday
Thursday Wednesday Thrensday
Friday Thursday Frursday
Saturday Friday Sriday
Sunday Saturday Sunturday

Your compliance is appreciated.

With flourish,
Summer Snow, Tyrant of the Seven Seas

P.S. Would someone mind telling me how long we have been having Tuesdays, and why I was not informed? It is as if there is a blank space in my mind which does not want to acknowledge their existence.
aesmael: (haircut)
"Not everyone's life is written by the same author."
aesmael: (Electric Waves)
Plain enough. Music library of choice on shuffle, list the first ten songs (I would say tracks, but mean to skip any podcasts which come up).

  1. Grainger - Country Gardens
  2. Luciana Souza/Romero Lubambo - Muita Bobeira - I think this track came with Vista *shrug*
  3. Queen - Killer Queen
  4. Akira Yamaoka - April Fool's Song
  5. Yuki Kajiura - Sweet Memories - (would have been: Jason Rennie - The Sci Phi Show Outcast #53 - Sci Fi and Politics with Dr Courtney Brown)
  6. Starsailor - Don't Stop Moving
  7. Yuki Kajiura - Sweet Memories #2
  8. See-Saw - interlude
  9. The Beatles - Love Me Do
  10. Delerium - Forgotten Worlds


I desire to include some substance of my own deliberate composition so I will say that over the past few months I have been working to abandon the rich text interface as much as possible, using it only long enough to learn how to input something I did not know before. So I am proud at knowing how to format this list without having to consult any outside source.

I have not been learning much, have not been making a deliberate study as I have felt always more pressing things to do and then sleep, yet what I have been learning is very satisfying. It reminds me of the latter half of last year, when I had to learn some LaTeX formatting for the wiki on which I was keeping my Electromagnetism notes.

It is not something I know yet how to describe yet learning such things, seeing something of how they work and fit together, is a very... clean pleasure for me. Similar to how I have felt in my brief studies of Mandarin too, and now I am thinking if I could find this in mathematics too that would be rather wonderful. Perhaps my perspective has been mistaken? Focus on the operators rather than the individual problems maybe. Might help with astronomy/physics too.

... I was supposed to be writing.

...

2008-03-30 00:58
aesmael: (just people)
Video thingy )

Link.

1) Heard this before, oh yes
2) Still not played the game, oh no
3) With what was read to tonight plus other, broader context
4) Why is it so beautiful?
5) Oh goodness, perfect moment, the metafictional inspiration, it burns
6) Inspired where?
7) Jayde-Stacey-Last Speaker?
8) Jayde?
9)
aesmael: (transformation)
The first was wanting to know everything of everything, or as near as possible.

The second is knowing how to find knowledge as needed and when desired, to access and process and use.

The third is knowing when there is lack, the ability to recognise an appropriate moment for use of the second.
aesmael: (just people)
I despise arguments for acceptance on the basis that the person concerned holds no choice in being who they are. Common examples being homosexuality and, at the moment, transsexuality. Specifically the discussion - arguments - concerning people who see being transsexual as a birth defect, that their body and brain sex are mismatched and all they need is to have their bodies modified so they can live as normative members of society.

The problem is, such appeals work because it is currently possible to cosmetically alter the rest of the body to match the person's claimed brain sex and it is not currently possible to alter the brain so it conforms to the body.

I do not believe this will always be the case. If, in the future, it becomes possible to alter a person's gender (or sexuality) "I can't help it" will no longer be a tenable excuse. If you wish to have the freedom to live your life as you would prefer, you will have to find a new argument. One that will persuade the greater public it is wrong to deny you this freedom, or right to allow it.

To say people should be accepted on the basis of their not having a choice about who they are - to say "this trait is inborn and cannot be altered, and therefore you should not discriminate against me because of it" - implicitly suggests that people who cannot make the same claim are less deserving of acceptance and that someone who does have a choice should choose otherwise. If this argument is the condition on which people allow your existence, then as soon as it does become possible you will be expected to make the choice to become acceptable.

If you have a medical condition, then as technology improves you will be expected to be fully cured.

Cross-posted: [livejournal.com profile] aesmael, [livejournal.com profile] genderqueer, [livejournal.com profile] transfeminism, [livejournal.com profile] transgender
aesmael: (tricicat)
[13:56] soltice: I'm curious, where would you like to live the most?
[13:56] aesmael: Hm?
[13:56] aesmael: Out of where?
[13:57] soltice: Well, if you had the choice to live anywhere, where would you like to live?
[13:59] aesmael: Somewhere on a hill overlooking a distant but reachable ocean, with a beautiful garden and friends and family close by. There would be sun, and rain, and snow in winter and in spring you can walk barefoot.
aesmael: (probably quantum)
Dullness exists in other people. When * is alone and engaged in *'s interests dullness is not an applicable property, as at such times * possesses the contrary property 'interest'. It is only when * is observed[1] that dullness may be determined to be present in *.

Clearly this is a simplification, but may perhaps serve as a starting point for future observations.

[1] Dullness may be self-observed

Now, to attempt to study how stressors can accumulate into stressballs and perhaps determine ways in which these highly penetrating entities can be kept separate and contained [/obligatory wildly optimistic projections of future progress].



{A model of familiar feel, perhaps old resurfaced. How neat!}
aesmael: (tricicat)
.won rof od ll'tahT !yaK

.noitcerid rehto eht ni ekam I srorre eht dna eseht neewteb ytiralimis eht morf trofmoc ward nac I tsael ta tub  ,tbuod on ,gnidaer-foorp retfa neve srorre fo ytnelp gnikam ,esruoc fo margorp a sa tnetepmoc sa t'nia I

.ereh elbaliava loot luatca na osla si erehT .noitcerid rehtie ni railimaf sa ylraen sdrow nommoc ynam edam sah enim fo tibah siht taht spleh tI .erofeb deah ym ni secnetnes elgnis naht erom enod reven evah I neht tub ,sdrawrof gnisopmoc sa ysae sa ton llitS .sredo rettel tuoba kniht naht sdrawkcab etirw lypmis ot reisae gnimoceb ti won tub tsrif ta tluciffid etiuq saw tI .tfel-ot-thgir em saib ot rotide sight fo ycnednet eht rof edam secnawolla - sdrawkcab lla gnihtemos elttil a gnitirw ta dnah ym yrt d'I thguoht I os ,daer I tsop a ot stnemmoc eht yb dnim ot kcab thguorb saw sihT

.ddo smees dnuos a hcatta ot tpmetta ton dna drow a esrever ot, deednI .os meht gnicnuonorp dna sdrow gnisrever fo tibah a evah I

(...)

2008-01-21 00:44
aesmael: (it would have been a scale model)
"I believe it" does not mean a thing is real.

"I do not believe it" does not mean a thing is not real.

The previous two sentences are beliefs.

If I could answer the question "What is a real?" that might help here.

If I could answer the question "What is an I?" that might help here.

We call this "Waking State" or something near to it. If another is needed the name might be appropriated from another language, not an oriental one. That would be stereotyping.
aesmael: (tricicat)
Sometimes a story is a wish for the future.
aesmael: (haircut)
    Another thing (parasite) which has been going round. This time people who volunteer in the comments will explain seven of their interests which I will choose. And now, my time has come round. Right now I am feeling slightly dead and never have I been good at this sort of thing but an attempt has been promised and so an attempt shall be made.

It is larger on the inside )

Spin

2007-08-25 02:08
aesmael: (sudden sailor)
    After my lab this afternoon I was unwinding by catching up on this paper. The short of it is, the authors have looked at the distribution of angular momentum in planetary systems with only one known planet and found a correlation with mass - those planets with mass greater than twice Jupiter's also have high specific angular momentum and vice versa.
    They also found a correlation with the semi-major axis of the planet's orbit, which would be expected since planets with smaller orbits also tend to have lower mass. The hypothesis offered is that lower mass planets lose angular momentum more easily than higher mass planets and thus are more likely to migrate inwards.
    Well, that is mostly summary. The graphs at the end of the paper illustrate the trend quite strongly. Of course, this paper does not look at multiple planet systems, but they promise to examine those in a future paper. I look forward to seeing if this finding persists.

    And right now I have no idea what mechanism might be responsible, nor is one proposed. I wonder if it extends all the way down the mass scale and how many terrestrial worlds could have been swallowed by their sun?

    A few other interesting looking papers were referenced in this one Hopefully I will have time to check them out too.

Profile

aesmael

May 2022

S M T W T F S
12345 67
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated 2025-07-26 06:41
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios