aesmael

This is the time of year when I do a little half-hearted journaling, before soon petering out again. There have been plenty of times when I wanted to journal over the past year or two and did not - a lot because I found myself tired and 'busy' between school and social and work, and a bit because mostly I wanted to write my displeasure or worry about events at work but those happenings were forbidden to be made public.

    Concerns about more staff reshuffling, about people being brought in from outside to take charge of the library and the people who had been running it in the interim getting knocked back to subordinate roles and yet still, in a lot of ways, running things because they're the ones familiar with operations and with connections to and trust of the other staff. About renovations and my suspicion we will have reduced space for the collection - I'm sure it will be spacious and pleasant and perhaps even a good place to study and read, but maybe with not as much //to// read. I'm also disappointed that increased physical accessibility I'm told could not have been added to the design, despite my request. And about a branch of the library being closed with almost no notification to the public, admittedly one with very low use but there aren't many resources in that end of town already, and this also blocks access to the public toilets the branch housed.

    I'm disheartened because there is nowhere for me to go with this job. But I hope to graduate at the end of the year and maybe then I can find better work elsewhere. It will probably mean switching from part-time to full-time to find something I can live on, but that may be what I have to do.

    In major project news, I've completed the first phase of cleaning up and organising my living space, by evacuating from my room nearly all the clutter that has accumulated over the past decade. The next phase will probably be to go over what's been removed and decide which items may be invited back into my space, and which must be disposed of or go elsewhere.

Current Mood: hungry

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Edit: I've been informed the specific incident in the link is an urban legend: http://www.snopes.com/media/notnews/brothel.asp - I really should have checked the date, as is good practice in general. However, that article served only as my prompt; the conditions and treatment of unemployed people I wrote about is true and drawn from my personal experience. Original post continues unaltered.

According to an article in the (UK) Telegraph, a woman in Germany faces the loss of her unemployment payments for refusing work at a brothel.

The problem here is the way we as a society construct unemployment, not that this time it is a brothel. That just serves as a newsworthy example and perhaps misdirection because of the disgust and contempt we tend to direct at sex work culturally.

Because we insist on treating the unemployed as suspect, as lazy losers and scammers, and because it looks good for organisational numbers to get as much throughput as possible, we require anyone receiving assistance to accept any job offer they are physically capable of performing. So you end up with situations like this, where a person is threatened with being cut off unless they accept a job they personally find repugnant (or soul-killing, or etc.).

Having a quota of documented job applications to meet, and rules like this, meant that when I was actively searching I had to restrict the applications which I thought might get a response to only the positions I felt I wouldn't be trying to then get out of a few weeks later, and then make the rest of the numbers with applications I thought looked plausible but which would not be interested in me as a candidate.

Rules like this led to me saying yes to a lot of offers from the agency I was assigned to, despite believing I would be a bad fit for the job in question, because I was worried my income could be cut off if I refused. This led to me having a whole week of training and a job interview for an area - sales - which I have actually worked in before and found to be a field which- well. I am certainly capable of attempting to sell things to people but I've never actually managed it, and since that earlier position was commission-based I had quit without ever being paid. So I spent the whole time being trained for this interview and actually having the interview afraid that I was going to get pushed into a job I hate and would be no good at simply to get an organisation another "successful job placement" check-mark, while also believing that if I appeared to do anything less than my best to get that job, I could be reported and penalised.

Well, I got lucky that time, and they didn't want anyone from that group that had been coached for the job on offer. But, my point is, the problem here is not that in this specific case it is a brothel this woman could be punished for not working in. The problem is how we treat unemployed job-seekers.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Yesterday's issue has been resolved. Called Centrelink early this morning, had to lie to the automated call routing because it couldn't understand my speaking the information it demanded I speak, so said I didn't have that information and got put through to a person, to whom I spoke the aforementioned identifying code. Got told the solution to my problem was simple - all I had to do was show up to a Centrelink office for a drop-in interview and my payments would be reinstated.

The time then was ~09:25. I had an appointment with my case manager at 10:45, a 20 minute drive away. Roughly halfway between these locations was the Centrelink office my appointments have been at, so I picked up and left early to try and get both taken care of on the same trip.

Unexpected delay locating car keys, arrived at Centrelink ~09:45, waited in line to get an appointment, waited in chair to be called after that. Got called about 5 minutes before my other appointment was due. :-/ Fix consisted of sitting in silence for several minutes while the person who had called me typed things. No questions were asked of me. Eventually I was told that if I keep missing appointments my payment will keep being suspended without notification (the without notification is the annoying bit, am not surprised suspension would be repeated). Was told a date for the next appointment in ~6 weeks would be mailed to me. Only question was if I had anything else to talk about, said no, that am now running late for another appointment, and left.

Got call from case manager while stopped at intersection, apparently she is booked up for the rest of the day. Had to hurriedly hang up on, called back after finding somewhere safe to park, wrote down day and time of new appointment next Friday, returned home.

That was all understandable and annoying. The frustrating part is Centrelink's entirely goal seems to be for me to be physically present in one of their offices for 10-20 minutes every six weeks. There doesn't seem to be any other point. I don't get asked for details of my job searching in any way (not that I would appreciate having to provide that, but at least it would suggest they are getting information on anything beyond my ability to follow people who call my name and sit in a seat for a little while). In this case there wasn't even any direct communication, just an implicit acknowledgement that I entered their building and consequently my punishment is rescinded for now. If I had issues I needed to talk to someone at Centrelink about I could call them, like I did today.

I certainly don't want a tighter leash in this area, especially since it looks like the racist income management situation in the Northern Territory is going to be switched to mostly classist by bringing it nationwide (that's the system in which the federal government holds on to half the money they 'pay' you and issues you a card which can only be used in certain locations to pay for things they believe are appropriate for social security recipients to spend money on). But right now what little income I have is primarily predicated on my ability to enter a specified building once every six weeks, and that is thoroughly pointless. A hoop for the sake of having a hoop, the closest thing it has to a purpose is giving Centrelink a reason not to fire a whole lot of its consultants.

On the bright side, this afternoon I got to enjoy a long, fun reading session on Skype. I read a chapter from The Ersatz Elevator, Pazi read a chapter from Singularity Sky, and Ami read a chapter from I, Q. Three fun, delightfully different sf stories shared among some of the people most important in my life. That in itself would be enough to make a day a good one, even this one.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Just found out while reporting to Centrelink my jobsearching and 'income' for the past fortnight that my unemployment payments have been suspended. It seems I missed an appointment two weeks ago, which I must have forgotten to mark on my calendar. :-/

This is frustrating. The only notification I got was a pdf on their website after logging in, no phone call or letter. I suppose they don't have to... I opted out of online notifications the first time, last year, but they opted me back in a few weeks later.

These meetings are literally 5-10 minute affairs, in which I am asked if I am looking for work, I say I am, then we make another appointment. My theory is these six-weekly interviews were instituted when, after shunting as many people as possible to online fortnightly reporting, Centrelink realised it had a lot of appointment staff now doing nothing and added another layer of reporting.

Ah well. Will have to call them tomorrow and ask what manner of supplication I must make to have an income again. Hopefully it won't be too onerous; I have a lot of plans which involve having an income, such as paying off university debt. Being free of those hoops to prove I am a 'good unemployed person' would be a relief, but I doubt it would coincide with a sudden offer of employment, so however bothersome it is I need to convince Centrelink to put me back on the list of worthy persons.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Another couple of days this week, of volunteering at the charity shop done. I talked to some other people there who like me are there assigned as part of the government's 'work for the dole' program. Seems morale in that department is catastrophically low.

We have a personnel excess - this is not the sort of operation that needs a 1:1 or higher ratio of floor staff to customers. Pretty much the only direction given to anyone in this position is to 'work the floor' and pick up clothes dropped by customers, with a distinct lack of hoped-for useful experience, such as getting taught to work the register or donation processing activities, which seem to be covered by the regular staff. I have been making an effort to be assertive and check several times a day if there is anything I could be doing, which netted me doing some washing dishes in the staff room today. That was a welcome change.

I am not the only one plotting getting out of there. Have plans in place to pursue some more library volunteering opportunities tomorrow and the next day, which will hopefully bear fruit and enable me to occupy my time doing something more satisfying with my time.

I don't think I would mind working in a retail environment, despite it not being at all my first choice, provided there was actually work for me to do, to keep me occupied doing it. But there isn't, and I need to find something else.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

The following violates my single topic per post rule. I blame myself for not updating more diligently.

Offered to drive my sister to the station on Monday, as she'd just missed her bus. That was how we found out the car wasn't working. Bit of a worry, as I had an appointment Tuesday with my case manager.

I was sure it was not the battery, as I had driven the car just a few days after I got back and it was fine then. Plus that excursion was in the middle of the day, making it very unlikely I could have left the lights on.

As it turns out, the battery was flat. Still don't know how that happened, hoping it won't repeat itself. Took a few hours charging.

On the next day I went out to my meeting, only to be told I had misremembered and it was actually on Wednesday. Wouldn't have minded so much, except for the temperature being 40 much of this week. Took the opportunity, anyway, to poke around nearby shopping centre to see if I could find any items I considered urgent. Didn't find a good new water bottle, nor a new wallet. Did find that HDMI cables are expensive enough to make me question the worth of purchasing them.

I returned on Wednesday for the actual meeting. Due to the difficulty I have had securing sufficient mandatory volunteering hours it seems I shall have to do 30 hours/week at a nearby charity shop, if that too does not fall through. Expected to start after final arrangements settled in a couple of weeks and continue until mid-May.

It also came out that my case manager was not aware of my autism diagnosis. My first case manager never noted it in my file, and I do not recall if that was by agreement or not. So now I have been presented with an option.

I can have that noted on my record and possibly (or possibly not, at the whim of Centrelink) be moved to disability employment services, with a new case manager and presumably more focused assistance, and only be required to obtain part-time employment. At the moment, Centrelink doesn't intend to leave me alone until I find a full-time job.

I am concerned accruing official disability labels might hamper my immigration potential to other countries. I am also worried that I am very bad at being concrete about things I might benefit from, and what if I don't actually need any of those services? It seems like what I need help with is what anyone struggling to find a job could probably stand to be helped with.

My worry is I will either not benefit or suffer some long-term harm from the categorisation. But of course I also wonder if I would benefit. Might be something I could gain from which I don't realise or know how to express.

Clearly what I need to do is some research on the possibilities. I have a few weeks to think about it anyway, and my current plan is to try several weeks of the planned enforced volunteering first and see how I handle it - one of my concerns about myself is whether I can handle full-time work or whether I will collapse under it. The library placements I did were great, and I performed well, but so emotionally draining at the time I wondered whether I could handle a full work week of that every week, when two days a week were draining me so much. But I have to try a fuller schedule to find out.

Afterwards, another visit to the shopping centre. I picked up a copy of Clocks by Elena Kats-Chernin and, by serendipitous good fortune a secondhand copy of Metroid Prime Trilogy, which game had been discontinued over a year ago and which at that same location I'd been unable to find a copy despite diligent scouring when I tried. Also, some more looking around revealed HDMI cables to be more expensive than I thought.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Being interviewed for, say, a retail job, would it help my chances to perform a version of 'Part of Your World' customised to their business?

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think our range is complete?
Wouldn't you think we're the store
The store that has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, we've got everything
We've got washers and dryers a-plenty
We've got ovens and toasters galore
You want vacuum cleaners?
We've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal You want more

Only had the first verse in mind. Might do a longer version later. Maybe a library version.

Current Music: Antonio Vivaldi - Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 8, RV 315, "L'estate" (Summer): III. Presto (I Soli

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

I said recently I would make a daily effort to post (not a guarantee of daily posts) yet none have been posted or even drafted since then, until this one. Unfortunately I have not really felt myself to have the time available to devote to writing those posts I want to write. In between fiction writing and composing applications for jobs I don't seem able to manage some degree of accomplishment at which I would feel appropriate to divert effort to other, non-deadlined activities.

Well, I do say over and over that writing for me at least is something I find frequently difficult, and requiring much time for little progress if I am attempting something I regard as to be given serious effort. But this is, is it not, a space for saying whatever it is that I desire to say? And apparently to talk of not having been talking is at least a way to get started.

This job-hunting thing is being frustratingly difficult. I've yet to meet anyone who said ey liked writing cover letters, and if job-hunting were being easy it would be because I don't have to play this game because I'm not finding any jobs I can try for. So either it is hard and frustrating, or hopeless and frustrating. I guess this is the better situation.

Mostly what I have been trying to for the past week (longer! @_@) is put together an application for a job explaining how I meet their selection criteria. It has been hard, yes. Exasperating. I do struggle to do such things. Well, the impression is just about everyone does. Consequently most of my relaxation, my voluntary activities for this time have been reading and watching television to (mostly) calm down. After all, if I am writing, shouldn't I be working on that instead of posts or stories? So despite having things to say, and wanting to say them, this has felt a very unproductive period of time. At least there is little to go, and today there is the intention of busyness.

At this point we sigh.

If I do not first wind myself up in anxiety to the point of being unable.

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

Appointment today, went well. It turned out I was mistaken about having to have my birth certificate available on account of having been registered for jobseeking assistance in the past. But it is still useful to have.

Meanwhile the jobhunting itself continues to not go well. Hopefully one I am qualified for will turn up soon.

Back using laptop, which fortuitously turned out to have a problem only in the AC adaptor cord and not the machine itself. That ended up being cheap to replace and hopefully this cord will be amenable to not twisting itself up and breaking. Still intending to get backup information storage soon and later (but much less urgently) a new machine entirely. Battery still not fixed, RAM still meagre relative to operating system, else not so cheap to be using again.

Other things elsewhere.

Maxvelocity +10kph

Current Mood: distressed

    I have been enjoying, lately, being able to drive my sisters places. It is fun, pleasant to be helpful, and gives us more opportunities to talk.
    Today was a day such as it seems we have not had in too long. Midday heat turned to afternoon storm. It rained, not heavily, and lightning arced across the sky like violet rainbows.

    The last writing I did (almost) was the transcribing of 255 words for Spare Parts on the 12th. I have decided to take a necessary slowing down partly because I was quite possibly burning myself out pushing for so many words so quickly and also because this is November, the month in which the school year is ending and every assignment is due right alongside exam season.
    Although (apart from electromagnetism) what I am studying is not difficult, it does take time. Next week there is on Tuesday a test followed by a practice test. On Wednesday, another test followed by a mock job interview. Thursday I do not know about. We are starting a new class.
    And there is that assignment due tomorrow.

    I want to play computer games. *sad face*

    And I still want to write. It is still a matter of prioritising my stories so that significant progress is made, rather than flinging out a dozen words to each of a dozen stories. Probably, I need to push past the part of my brain that says "This is hard now, switch over to something else".

Current Mood: content

Got to finalise that job application by tomorrow. Fortunately they allow email submissions or I would have had to send it in by *checks clock* now.

( Cut for: Writing talk )

Current Mood: tired
Current Location: on bed

    Not much to say going on right now. On Thursday there was a test on our ability to cover books. We were to cover one softcover and one hardcover in a total of twenty minutes. The softcover I used was my copy of Coraline. It took me about fifteen minutes and in my nervous hurry I made some jagged and bubbly mistakes. It looks fine if you do not look too close. The hardcover was my copy of Diamond Dogs/Turquoise Days, the one signed by the author. It only took five minutes and came out well enough.
    I did pass the test, although not especially well. The teacher told me after class that if I perform perfectly on the shelving test next Thursday I will still receive an 'A'. This hopefully will not be too tricky, although there is the small inconvenience of a simultaneous test on my knowledge of electromagnetics some 20km distant.

    That is all for now... they are listening.

Current Mood: chipper

    On the first three days this month I wrote 469, 501 and 302 words respectively. Not bad, but I may have to take a break from writing for a while. I can manage the word counts but it is cutting too deeply into study time
    So. Until I have that under control, I should cut back on writing unless suffering a bout of inspiration. This probably means no more story postings for a while too. It is a shame. Just as I was building up a sort of momentum, reaching the climactic scenes and writing some I have been waiting for for years. Part two is just a few thousand words from being a first draft.
    Of course then I would have to pretend to know what I was doing with part three, which is even sketchier. I am looking forward to the day this story is complete and I can feel not guilty for working on others.
    Since I have already thrown a few numbers in here, last month saw 4893 words written, a fair way short of my target (1307 short to be precise). Unlikely I can make 9000 this month.

    Most of the personal stuff lately is being strongly filtered but the results of the great beard experiment are in: everyone loves it, in stark contrast to my long hair. Now, anyone have any tips for getting rid of it (face hair, not head hair)? It comes off tomorrow.

Current Mood: busy

    Currently engaged in attempted coursework (sounds so much more sophisticated and adult than 'homework', doncha think?). Consequent ramping up/down of brain effort always spins off a number of tangents (#reference, tag, mark), therefore expect potential short term increase in posting.
    Those who read newest to oldest, disregard.

    Last night held 467 words before sleep claimed me. I ought to start writing before midnight in future.

    Today - yesterday, since before I began typing - marked the end of one class, except the one part of it I am not working on at this very moment. It was a relatively simple and very generously marked role-play exercise in which we each pretended to be a Library Technician dealing with difficult customer situations. I got to rant about the satanic influence of Harry Potter and also to misplace a patron's musicology conference proceedings. Oh, what fun to fit in the space of half an hour!

    There was also some activity on the secret project front, which will likely not be resolved or printed here until late November. Start counting.

Current Mood: creative
Current Location: floor
Current Music: Saints - Yuki Kajiura [Madlax Original Soundtrack 2]

For me, that is. See, while I was driving over to see 'my therapist' and collect my endocrinological referral, the radio played Sadeness Part 1. I have never heard Enigma played on the radio before, so that was fun.

Driving is fun too, although it would be more fun without the other cars and also fewer traffic lights (see also: without the cars).

I will not post the lyrics to this entire album. You may exhale now.

( Edit: Okay, one )

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Location: still floor
Current Music: Voyageur - Enigma

    Today is tempting to call wasted. I had plans, yes. I also had to... (Hold on, *fetches March*) I also had to meet at 9am with a job agency on account of the last meeting did not work out. I did arrive six minutes late, thirteen by the time I got to the head of the line at reception. Then I got half an hour of reading The Woodlanders, I really should have finished that novel by now.
    But, finally, I was called and told by the person who I think is my case manager now, though today was our first time meeting each other, that I owed them another six hours of job search training (I did leave early on the last day on account of having to get to an interview - they promised me a second but never called). Given the option of getting that out of the way today or another time I panicked and chose today, as another session had just started. But I had already covered today's material, so advised the person running the session and I was told to go out into the main area and busy myself with jobsearching until he would call me over in a bit.
    Time now, ~10:00am. The area I was sent to was rather busy. All newspaper-searching chairs full, all computer-accessing chairs occupied. I made do by grabbing a section of newspaper and balancing it atop the wall of an unused cubicle. Sometime later I notice an empty chair and fill it thoroughly. There is to be no job applicating for me today. I have brought no pen and no resume and previous experiences have taught me that there is no actual way to use those computers to apply for a job using a resume in electronic form.
    ~Midday The word is passed that, as the rest of the class has done so, I too may go to lunch. I made use of this time by volunteering to help the Salvation Army run their shop and using up a voucher for free ice cream (the not wasted part of the day).
    After my return I got so bored staring at newspaper I fell asleep for half an hour. At 3:00pm, upon request, I was given permission to go home.

Current Mood: disappointed

Today was form day. Today was also first day I actually drove to an actual place all by my actual self. It went well except for the bits where it did not, like the time I panicked and turned one intersection too early. That put my in at the entrance to the shopping centre loading dock, filled with many No Stopping signs (or I would have stopped) and when I got back to where I was the No Right Turn sign meant I had to take the long way round. Panic/not-panic, I can do both of those.

Keeping the windows up from paranoia about hair blowing in my eyes meant it was, as they say, bloody hot. I felt a bit weak after getting out which meant I had to get a milkshake to ward off dehydration(?) and accidentally bought a copy of Elizabeth Moon's first Serrano Legacy omnibus too (she is famous for The Deed of Paksenarrion and so why not give her a try?). Would have bought a copy of The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants too but it had mention of being also a movie, which is not allowed. There were new hunger-tempting books by Tad Williams and Kate Elliott (

kateelliott) too. Still need to find Shadowmarch in tradeback. Stop talking about books now if it is just to list hunger. It is unseemly.

There also were Teenage Nutant Minja Turtles at the shopping centre but it seemed they could only afford Donatello and only if he left his brains behind. It was loud.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Location: Home again!
Current Music: Kath & Kim

Almost wasted. I had to go for an employment agency meeting with someone who turned out to be sick. So I waited for an hour to be told I had not been processed properly and perhaps must wait for the end of the month.

I did get, however, to make a bit of a start on Thomas Hardy's The Woodlanders. That was interesting.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Grace Kelly - Mika/Lollipop - Mika

So today is the day I got to go back to jobsearch training. Yay. Had to endure being assigned to groups at one point and then listen to others jokingly complain that we were the only group without any girls. Followed by the whole group expounding on stereotypes about what males and females are like. This was after the conversation about how Americans are very nice but very ignorant (thinking Australia has never been involved in any wars, that only blondes are allowed to live here, etc.).

Otherwise, not much of interest. I did manage a whole page of Uncountable during lunchbreak, complete with impromptu poemlike entity. Now paused at another stumbling block (characters should not start asking questions before I know what they want). Also finished the last part of "This Land' (with ~430 words, so that is my quota for the day) plus the reading of The Bad Beginning. Too bad my sister has lent The Reptile Room plus the next few of A Series Of Unfortunate Events to her friend so I cannot continue reading until they are returned.

Not sure which story to work on next. Three and a bit weeks to have one ready though, so there is plenty of time to take advantage of.

Current Mood: accomplished

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aesmael

May 2022

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The annual check-in post

Requiring desperation, creating desperation

Fixed

Worry

Volunteering

Car trouble and changes of circumstance

Urgent question

Updating

News, briefly

Test passed

Good day?

Frantic? Scrabbling? Check & Check

Status Report

So long August, you had your chance

Sparks

There was a first today

I 'Scape!

Disonaur Says:

Oh. Right. Today.

A Deer, A Female Deer

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