Impulsive moments defeated by absent words

[aesmael]

I wanted to wear a skirt to class yesterday. I did not. Words kept me from it?

Not until I was actually on the grounds and heading to class did I realise "Because I want to" is a perfectly valid reason for a clothing choice. However, this does not quite solve my problem. I am concerned about a matter of 'best practice'.

Plainly, whether I would be better served by giving advance notice to the school and teachers. I suspect this is the case, but I do not know what to say. If I told them I ID as female that would not be a lie but nor would it be true and I do not feel able to say so, any more than I would be able to tell someone I am male.

I suppose I could inform them I am transgender, or genderqueer. They would likely make their own assumptions on that basis and whether they do or not it ought to be sufficient. Taking any label or name to myself makes me uncomfortable but since I believe I would likely receive a more favourable response by giving some sort of advance I will try to go ahead with it.

I have had similar issue with the idea of communicating with my (extended) family. Whether I tell them things or just show up, what do I say? What words do I use? Legally I am fine, I just do not know anything I could say with confidence to people and I think if I did it would go a long way to increasing the positivity of their responses. Especially since without preparation I would likely shut down under questioning, possibly melt down entirely.

It is hard to stand up for yourself when you do not know what you are standing up for.

Comments

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

This is assuming tho that you think ppl would be okay with it and there isn't a threat of violence or harrassment, I dunno your school environment. :\ If you think ppl would be okay, then wear it and explain to ppl as you wish on a case to case basis. :] I just dun think it's necessary to have to give a note or something to your school to say that you want to wear a particular article of clothing as if you are informing them that you are sick, or have particular allergies or something... it's just clothes! :\

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

The main reason I was considering giving some sort of official notification is because I think the people in charge are likely to respond better if I do so - legally they cannot discriminate against me except wert bathrooms, but I suspect staff will cope in a more friendly way if they are not surprised on the day.

Also, you are not stupid.

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

oh ok.. then maybe you should? :\ I guess I just think it's kinda a sad testament of our society when somebody needs to tell the authorities of their institution that they want to wear a piece of clothing that is acceptable for most of the population to wear without issue :\

[pazi-ashfeather.livejournal.com]

I think more the purpose of notifying the school authorities is to gain understanding from people who might otherwise not know how to react. Sometimes, that openness humanizes the unusual, gives it context. If [male student] shows up in a skirt and starts using girl's restrooms, others may feel uncomfortable and then the school may elect to bar this behavior for the comfort of many. If said individual explains the purpose of doing so, they may even be sympathetic and enforce said student's right to do such things in the face of other students who might be squicked.

I think you're right: it's sad that such a gesture is even necessary. It would be nice if people could just understand these things or assume they don't necessarily need to, and have it be alright. I'd say "that's not the world we live in," but I don't want to discourage anyone from conceiving of a better one and trying to find ways of improving ours.