Impulsive moments defeated by absent words

[aesmael]

I wanted to wear a skirt to class yesterday. I did not. Words kept me from it?

Not until I was actually on the grounds and heading to class did I realise "Because I want to" is a perfectly valid reason for a clothing choice. However, this does not quite solve my problem. I am concerned about a matter of 'best practice'.

Plainly, whether I would be better served by giving advance notice to the school and teachers. I suspect this is the case, but I do not know what to say. If I told them I ID as female that would not be a lie but nor would it be true and I do not feel able to say so, any more than I would be able to tell someone I am male.

I suppose I could inform them I am transgender, or genderqueer. They would likely make their own assumptions on that basis and whether they do or not it ought to be sufficient. Taking any label or name to myself makes me uncomfortable but since I believe I would likely receive a more favourable response by giving some sort of advance I will try to go ahead with it.

I have had similar issue with the idea of communicating with my (extended) family. Whether I tell them things or just show up, what do I say? What words do I use? Legally I am fine, I just do not know anything I could say with confidence to people and I think if I did it would go a long way to increasing the positivity of their responses. Especially since without preparation I would likely shut down under questioning, possibly melt down entirely.

It is hard to stand up for yourself when you do not know what you are standing up for.

Comments

[flynnacatri.livejournal.com]

Hmm, perhaps try warning them in writing? Because then you can explain it clearly and put all the information down, and allows them to understand before having to react to you, and saves you from immediate cross questioning.

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

For your school, a letter from your shrink telling them of your diagnosis may be helpful. Especially if it states that you're under treatment and transitioning, the school authorities would then by under notice that you're not cross-dressing on a whim. This can prevent many difficulties and may get you even more help than you're getting now.

For your family, a letter to everyone can be as helpful. As flynnacatri so eloquently states, it allows you to state your case in an organaised manner and present all the facts to them in a way that allows them to go over them as many times as they need. Once forewarned, they'd have fewer legitimate reasons to complain about your presentation. As always with anything trans*, YMMV. Good luck : )

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

Put what down in writing?

Without knowing what 'it' is, 'it' is difficult to write or word. I have often thought to try using this journal to do so but have not felt a sufficiency of time to actually attempt doing so.

[jessie-c.livejournal.com]

Flail away : ) I wrote draft after draft of what I wanted to say, stealing ideas only from the very best : ) I used example letters from TS Roadmap, Amberspace and several others as a springboard to help get my thoughts organised.

In the end I wrote several versions of my coming out story including some that were never meant to see the light of day. They all helped me to get my thoughts in line.
Your stories don't jump off your fingertips in their fully finished form, do they? This is really no different. Keep on plugging away, you'll get there : )

[flynnacatri.livejournal.com]

Hmm.. well *dodges slightly alright, a LOT most of that is for you to decide. If you decide to come out, you need to decide what you are coming out as...

"Some of you may have noticed some changes in me. I am writing to explain them, and to explain my future changes.

[Insert explanation here]
[Explain background of terms/meaning of transitioning]
[family injoke]

I am sure of this because: [medical details, personal if necessary, feelings, scientific facts]my minions have confirmed it

[Changes you will see]
I will gradually look more feminine and tentacley, and have decided to start wearing skirts when I wish to to hide the tentacles and look less threatening [etc]
The hormones may cause me to...eat people's spuls, turn green, leap on you in a scary fashion?

If you want more details, I have various reliable resources such as the pile of bodies that I can give you to look at but didn't want to get too technical in this letter as some people have weak stomachs.

This pile of bodies has been quite difficult for me to keep hidden and I understand if you want to think it over. Thank you for your understanding my need for your souls

THE TENTACLE MONSTER OF COOKIE LAND"

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

I think you should just wear the skirt and if ppl ask say b/c you want to :D Let them wonder why rather than giving them ammunition to do trans 101 and explain WHY you do it as if you have to justify it to them, let them think of a billion crazy reasons and eventually they'll just forget it as something that you want to do. :]

*hugs* or i could be stupid :(

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

This is assuming tho that you think ppl would be okay with it and there isn't a threat of violence or harrassment, I dunno your school environment. :\ If you think ppl would be okay, then wear it and explain to ppl as you wish on a case to case basis. :] I just dun think it's necessary to have to give a note or something to your school to say that you want to wear a particular article of clothing as if you are informing them that you are sick, or have particular allergies or something... it's just clothes! :\

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

The main reason I was considering giving some sort of official notification is because I think the people in charge are likely to respond better if I do so - legally they cannot discriminate against me except wert bathrooms, but I suspect staff will cope in a more friendly way if they are not surprised on the day.

Also, you are not stupid.

[lost-angelwings.livejournal.com]

oh ok.. then maybe you should? :\ I guess I just think it's kinda a sad testament of our society when somebody needs to tell the authorities of their institution that they want to wear a piece of clothing that is acceptable for most of the population to wear without issue :\

[pazi-ashfeather.livejournal.com]

I think more the purpose of notifying the school authorities is to gain understanding from people who might otherwise not know how to react. Sometimes, that openness humanizes the unusual, gives it context. If [male student] shows up in a skirt and starts using girl's restrooms, others may feel uncomfortable and then the school may elect to bar this behavior for the comfort of many. If said individual explains the purpose of doing so, they may even be sympathetic and enforce said student's right to do such things in the face of other students who might be squicked.

I think you're right: it's sad that such a gesture is even necessary. It would be nice if people could just understand these things or assume they don't necessarily need to, and have it be alright. I'd say "that's not the world we live in," but I don't want to discourage anyone from conceiving of a better one and trying to find ways of improving ours.

[flynnacatri.livejournal.com]

Oh, this just came up on my friend's list http://www.kisa.ca/respect.html