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Maybe I should rearrange habits so LiveJournal flist reading is no longer my 'settling in' activity. I tend to get rather bitter and envious about people having things in their lives, doing things I wish I could (which is nearly everything people write about). So by the time I'm caught up my enthusiasm is often damped to mopiness and I end up even less likely to be getting as much done as I would be aiming for.
Got to get settled into the long and slow walk, to find some things for feeling good about and get to where it seems I need.
What have I for feeling good about? There are people who love me and who I love, dear and close friends. That's something I didn't have until the past couple of years. So focus on that instead of still loneliness and separation.
What else? I have a local sort of friend I get along with in class. That's kind of nice.
Writing and class / employment? Not happy about either. Behind on writing but if I work harder could get to a point of being happy with the striving; this is intended. I might not find this placement to be beyond me. I might not fail to find employment. I might not fail at being able to 'take care of myself' according to the rules of this society. Getting those would be satisfying and it might happen.
Identity stuff? Can get voice interpreted as expressing desired gender with fair consistency. Hopefully can improve other aspects of situation over the next few months, matters of doctors and prescriptions. The rest perhaps is introspection and expression.
Activities? No, but maybe if I research some can be found. Also depends a lot on finding employment so there is money to get to, get into.
So what's good? Love is good. Friends are good. Both are distant so only part satisfying. Voice is good. Other stuff might improve with focused effort and dedication. Otherwise we'd get too distracted and let opportunities slip by still. Feeling good about self, that's hard work, but still aimed for.
Got to get settled into the long and slow walk, to find some things for feeling good about and get to where it seems I need.
What have I for feeling good about? There are people who love me and who I love, dear and close friends. That's something I didn't have until the past couple of years. So focus on that instead of still loneliness and separation.
What else? I have a local sort of friend I get along with in class. That's kind of nice.
Writing and class / employment? Not happy about either. Behind on writing but if I work harder could get to a point of being happy with the striving; this is intended. I might not find this placement to be beyond me. I might not fail to find employment. I might not fail at being able to 'take care of myself' according to the rules of this society. Getting those would be satisfying and it might happen.
Identity stuff? Can get voice interpreted as expressing desired gender with fair consistency. Hopefully can improve other aspects of situation over the next few months, matters of doctors and prescriptions. The rest perhaps is introspection and expression.
Activities? No, but maybe if I research some can be found. Also depends a lot on finding employment so there is money to get to, get into.
So what's good? Love is good. Friends are good. Both are distant so only part satisfying. Voice is good. Other stuff might improve with focused effort and dedication. Otherwise we'd get too distracted and let opportunities slip by still. Feeling good about self, that's hard work, but still aimed for.
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Date: 2009-05-06 13:17 (UTC)From: