aesmael

Originally published at a denizen's entertainment. You can comment here or there.

[end post-braek]

Later, at the toy library, I heard from the toy librarian's lips directly that she is retiring in the near future, shortly before she told the library staff in general. The reason she cited was office conflict, in a sensibly unfortunate way. She wanted to let me know she can't assure me of a place there beyond approximately April, although it is expected when her replacement is found ey would probably welcome any continuing volunteers. Specifically she said she didn't want me to pass up an opportunity elsewhere on the assumption I could rely on the toy library.

I have been wondering if it would be possible to organise some sort of volunteer farewell thing for her, but I do not know how to go about that. Am hoping inspiration strikes.

Have been putting out applications to proper library jobs, the sort that pay money, but am experiencing a scarcity of hope at the moment. I have increasingly been thinking that despite the work I put in, and revision and focus on looking for work and all these other activities that are supposed to improve my situation, I am simply not going to find anything. It is getting closer to two years since I graduated and apart from volunteering at the toy library all I have is the government pushing me into a place where I must make my own pointless busy-work because they don't even have that for me. It does not help that of one of my more recent applications, despite getting input from more than one other person, and going over it myself, I still sent off a cover letter that referenced by name the place it had been previously sent to and didn't catch that until two minutes after sending the email. Dreadful feeling, no idea whether I should hope they don't notice it or send off a panicked correction, and worrying about just how small an industry it is.

I am worried about my long-term situation, even supposing that I can and do find work in the future. For one thing, in moving to the US I would sharply contract the salary I could command, possibly even if I were to undertake and achieve a Masters in Library Science. For a more serious other thing, libraries as an industry seem to be contracting now and into the forseeable future, and I do not imagine myself as one flexible, ingenious or whatever enough to escape being out of a job in the next decade or few anyway, and I don't know what I would do then.

It is scary, and I don't see much future hope for myself to do more than minimise the cost to others of supporting me.