83+1 Days

    It is 84 days since I was placed on a trial run of hormone replacement therapy and my prescription has run out. I took my last oestrogen pill 24 hours ago, although there is still enough cyproterone acetate to last me until several days past my next (third) appointment with the endocrinologist I have been seeing, on the 11th of December.
    I suspect it was his intention that I run out of those several days before seeing him again, so that he could test my blood under the influence of anti-androgens alone. However, soltice has pointed out to me that I can indeed call and ask if that was the intention and I shall do so Monday morning.
    As for effects, my chest has been still tender this week, perhaps more so than usual, and the lumps under my nipples seem fairly large. That is about all to report this week.
    Today and this evening I have felt weak and lacking energy, although I doubt that is an effect of oestrogen's absence.

( Onward to measurements, pictures )

A little retrospective

    November was a big month for me, I think. I did post 96 entries to this journal, although I do not know how it compares to previous months. November 12th was a big day for me though, or at least the evening of the 11th. I remember that, though my wretched time sense sweeps away so many details.
    Perhaps it is foolish of me to write a retrospective post when I do not actually recall many details of the past month. What I do recall, I shall not say, for it is too personal. I do not feel as if I have made any progress, exactly, but possibly enough wounds have been reopened that I can in the future.
    I need some space to think. It is my intention to drop away from the internet as much as I can for the next few days and see if I can find some room in here for myself.

    In more concrete news, I wrote 184 new words of my sekrit projekt on the 23rd of November. This is also the night on which I watched Haibane Renmei, which counts as a significant event in the past month. It was a disappointing output because I only wrote two-thirds of what I was intending to and I had been meaning to write that and more on the 22nd, except I turned out to be in too much pain to concentrate that day. Ah well. Not used to it, that's my excuse. Well, I finally finished the remaining 149 words of that part last night, and would have liked to get to the next today except I found myself caught up in administrative tasks. Also, someone has set the 'rate of flow of time' dial too high.
    I did manage to write a total of 10,589 words last month which, while far short of 50,000, is still 4,589 more than my personal target for the month. Now in December to keep up my plan my daily target is increased from 200 to 300 words, for a total of 9,300 in the month.
    This is the point at which my plan of increase has broken down every single time so far, so I am nervous. Since I only wrote 149 words yesterday, I need to maintain an average for the rest of the month of 305 words daily to make my target. Should be able to make it since I had that many words in sixteen days last month, but last month was slightly crazy.
    I miss writing but, even though my time is technically my own for the next couple of months (although I shall also be looking for work), I am afraid there will not be time for it. Too much needs to be done and my creative heart feels dead whenever I sit down to use it.
    To continue even when words are ash, that is perhaps a lesson I need to learn.

Here is a graph, because everyone loves graphs:

149 / 9,300 (1.6%)

You can guess what it is a graph of yourself because I know you kids enjoy that sort of thing.

Writing and Not Watching

    I feel pleased about my sisters. We were watching television when one of those programs about the actions of border control/immigration officials in pursuing and capturing scary foreigners came on, and my oldest sister turned it off, saying it is racist. Which I agree with.

    Writing, well. Yesterday I wrote only 29 words of Discourteous Joe. Today I have written more and am not done yet. I also, when storm concerns prompted as total a disconnect from electricity as we could manage, added two new columns to my spreadsheet. One shows me the average number of words I have written daily for the month so far, the other tells me the average I must maintain to reach my target. No longer will I need to calculate these manually. Not that I ever calculated the former.

    I hope I can write the dragon story tonight. If it lets me. Other things to do first.

178 / 9,300 (1.0%)

Just one hundred more days at this rate.

Average so far: 89 words/day
Average to meet target: 314.55 words/day