I Do Be Behind The Times

[aesmael]

Via the always excellent Bronze Dog and created by one¹ Dr Adequate:

New Age: Wouldn't it be wonderful if minute doses of toxins could make people healthier?

Science: Vaccination?

New Age: Homeopathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could cure diseases by sticking needles in people?

Science: Intravenous injection?

New Age: Acupuncture! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people without
medical degrees or scientific training could treat serious medical
conditions by the laying on of hands?

Science: CPR?

New Age: Faith healing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if naturally occurring substances could cure diseases?

Science: Penicillin?

New Age: Ephedra! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people had remarkable mental powers?

Science: Language, memory, imagination, reason, love, compassion, hope, altruism...

New Age: Spoonbending! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could communicate with one another over large distances?

Science: By telephone?

New Age: By telepathy! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some way of seeing distant people and places?

Science: Television?

New Age: Remote viewing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could fly?

Science: By aeroplane?

New Age: By bouncing on their bottoms and repeating a mantra!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could determine the sex of an unborn
child?

Science: Using ultrasound?

New Age: Using pendulum dowsing! Wouldn't it be wonderful if
every part of the universe was bound to every other part by mysterious
forces?

Science: As in quantum physics?

New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation
for all phenomena?

Science: Quantum physics again, surely?

New Age: Such as the "good vibrations" I get from my magic
crystals! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was such a thing as
"negative energy''?

Science: As is associated with a gravitational field?

New Age: As an objective, scientific explanation of why I should
dislike the people I dislike! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the study of
numbers and calculation could help us to discover how the world works?

Science: Mathematics?

New Age: Numerology! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were some things science can't explain...

Science: Here's a list as long as your arm. Can you help us to get research funding?

New Age: ... such as why a pretty pebble price $29.99 plus
postage and packing can improve my karma and ward off negative forces!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if studying the stars could lead us to
important truths?

Science: Such as the origin of the universe?

New Age: Such as that Librans should avoid shopping trips this
Wednesday! Wouldn't it be wonderful if in some distant mountain range
there flourished an shaggy semi-intelligent animal closely related to
humans?

Science: The Congo mountain gorilla?

New Age: The yeti! Wouldn't it be wonderful if the Earth were being observed from outer space?

Science: By weather satellites?

New Age: By Little Green Men! Wouldn't it be wonderful if
ancient civilizations had discovered a mysterious occult key to the
workings of the Universe, the knowlege of which has been handed down
from generation to generation by a small, shy, uncommunicative sect?

Science: Mathematicians?

New Age: Atlanteans! Wouldn't it be wonderful if superior
intelligences who have mastered the secrets of space flight were trying
to communicate with me?

Science: Scientists?

New Age: Aliens! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were beautiful stripy ferocious big cats living in Asia...

Science: Tigers?

New Age: ... made entirely out of paper! After all, aren't things always more wonderful if they are...

Science: Real?

New Age: Imaginary!

1: But can we really be sure?