(no subject)

[aesmael]

With each turn the alleys narrow, darkening as I wind my way deeper inside. Even after so long there is still an echo in my mind of childhood fear at the encroaching shadows. I pull my bag a little higher against my shoulder, walk a little faster.

 

* * *

 

A final turn and I reach a short, sharp end, the door on my right barely hanging in place. I push the wall on my left and it pivots silently open.

Darkness, pure, for long moments before light flares. It is Brodee alone, come to meet me. My escort, my guard, most of all my friend. My belly is suddenly twisted by an ill feeling. I don't think it shows.

She greets me friendly enough for a traitor, but still searches me. Of course I am unarmed. She finds the book, its cover declaring it to be my journal. As Brodee replaces it in my bag she remarks that I never go anywhere without it. I lie and say it is evidence. The only journal I ever kept burned years ago.

The book is back in my bag and I still can't breathe easily with Brodee here. I know this is supposed to be a courtesy, recognition of everything I have done for my former leaders to ave a friendly face at my trial, but that is the last thing I would want. I can't help wondering if they know my purpose here. Do they think Brodee's presence will stop me? They might be right. My nervousness grows as I am led to my destination, until now I am certain it must be plain to see.

Before we step through the final door I tell her I'd rather no friend of mine see what happens in there. I ask here to meet me at an inn after instead. She surprises me by asking with dismay if I am going to give in. Of course I am not and I tell Brodee so with rather more hope than I had a moment ago. She suggests in that case she will likely be visiting me in a cell and propels me through th door before I can answer.

The chamber is smaller than I expected, or maybe it only feels that way. The room is circular, a shifting grey barrier curves back to block the other half. My eyes hurt. I cannot decide if the barrier is blank or detailed. I feel it has no substance and yet I am certain if I tried to step across it I would die.

I try to hold myself calm, even defiant. Not to make any first move. It seems a long time before anyone speaks and when it happens the voice is so ordinary to me I am caught by surprise.

Haras sounds as if he is sitting just in front of me, to my my right. I am sure he is, hidden behind that grey screen. The same voice I first heard without seeing, trapped in the ruins of my family's home so many years before. He had become like a father to me since then. More, my commander. And now he is to be my judge, nothing but a voice again the last time we meet.

Brodee asks to be excused before the trial can properly get underway. I don't breathe easily until she has permission and then I must restrain my relief. The voice that answered came from in front of me, from Granti. I had only hoped I might attract such lofty attention. I try to thank Brodee without letting it look like goodbye.

And now I am left to answer for myself alone. Haras opens. Another courtesy? He does not start with my charges, he starts by reminding me why I joined the Magazi in the first place: my family murdered, our village erased, all for the crime of our species. For that, and my kind had done the same to theirs. It's true, Haras pulled me from the ruins. He told me about the Magazi and our – their – mission to end that pointless fighting and I thought he had saved me.

He thinks by reminding me of what I abandoned he will convince me to change my mind, to go back to them. They told me to put aside revenge and work for peace instead. They told me and I believed, I tried. But not this time.

Haras has stopped talking. He expects an answer. So I tell him 'No'. No, I don't regret walking away and no, I don't want to go back. Because I still believe in the ideals you taught me. Forsake vengeance, work for peace, end violence. But the Magazi does not follow its own ideals. My first mission – my very first! - we kidnapped my people's prince and held him hostage until we had wrung from the king a promise to end further retaliation. For the second, I helped assassinate the next general to lead a raid into my homeland. Hundreds of bloodstained 'actions of peace' across dozens of nations and I was too foolish to see the hypocrisy of our actions. Instead, I profited.

I leapt from success to success. I rose through our ranks and thought myself a doer of good. It's true we stamped out wars in a couple of places, enforced a few treaties, but we did it with blood and fear. I am rightly called a butcher in civilised circles.

When I am done I can feel my accusers' eyes on me. No one speaks. The silence draws on. I shift my stance slightly, feeling the weight of my bag shift slightly in response, book safely hidden away. That book. I had been careful not to mention it in my speech. It was a habit now, keeping secret the book I had found hidden under the base of a tower we had razed. Its spells were what had let me become such a successful monster. Soon I would use them to put things right. The past few days I had been memorising a spell whose purpose I never understood before. If I recite the words correctly the fire it creates will sear the heart of the Magazi from existence.

The silence is ended by a third voice, the sorceror Zartawri. He asked in cold tones where I had gotten the idea people would ever stop to consider the pointlessness of their ceaseless squabbling and viciousness if they were not made to? And if not us, who is there to do it?

At first I am too stricken to answer. Zartawri was the only high officer I did not want at my trial, for he might stop me. My heart sinks. First Brodee, now Zartawri. They know, they must. Stupid sentiment and compassion gave me away. If I had not asked Brodee to leave they would have thought me countered. I might have taken them by surprise. I don't even know if they are really behind that screen.

He repeats the question. It was those humans, I say. The ones who gave us such trouble at Gomothron. I did not escape like I said. We talked and then they released me. The book did not help me that day, but I keep those words to myself.

Granti takes my statement for an admission of treason. I deny it. In my view it is they, the leaders of the Magazi, who are traitors to the cause. They ignore me and Granti asks if I have anything further to say in my defence.

No.

This is it. Last chance. I start reciting under my breath. The words seem like nonsense. I know from experience their effects are real.

“What are you doing?” snaps Zartawri. “Stop it.”

I never notice anything before the spell is complete – I was right to be wary of him all these years. I speak faster, as fast as I dare.

“What is it?” That's Granti.

“A spell.”

“Stop it!” Fear creeping into her voice.

I feel the force of Zartawri's will close about my throat, choking the breath from me. Mercy? Respect? Panic? He could have struck me dead or ripped the tongue from my mouth. Too late now.

Comments

[udonman.livejournal.com]

Great as usual hon. But for some reason very v for vendetta feeling.

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

Hope that is not a point against it - I liked V for Vendetta so much I would have bought the comic when I came out of the theatre if I had the money. But this is actually a rewrite of something I did for an english exam in high school. Thankfully it came out better this time (I think it was incomprehensible to anyone who was not me the first time).

[udonman.livejournal.com]

Nah its just what was brought to my mind at first is all.

[coniferous_you]

I enjoy how you don't appear to justify the actions of your main character here - instead you provide the reader with both sides and then, like the people attending the trial, they can decide whether or not the character's attack at the end is justified.
Genre-wise, I liked how this was implacable. It had magic, but did not seem totally fantasy-based. And, of course, there was the whole underlying critique of crimes of war and the violent pursuit of pacifism that seemed apparent to me.
But maybe I read too much into it.
In any case, I liked this. :D