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To think of that needle in my arm, draining - my integrity violated. Watching it with dispassion as if this were happening to another. And yet I imagine I can feel it entering me. A flow, a presence, slow, slow pulse of change.
Body will change, ok. Mind too? Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Each tick from then to now, now to later, I am still I, every step of the way still say I'm me - if I can say. Still have a mouth? Think loudly. Nothing seems to happen at first. Don't panic, be patient. Days first, and longer before anyone will notice. You have all the time you could want.
It does happpen eventually. Becoming. They don't understand what I'm doing, this realisation of being, and that's okay. I do look different now. There is no denying it. Mind is changing too, I don't mind. I'm still me. That is who I was yesterday and where is the gap between then and now?
Thoughts slow, find some space to think. Quiet place, where I take root. The world goes by, leaves me be. Caterpillar through pupa into butterfly, they sparkle so prettily. I sparkle too, like a crystal tree.
Thoughts slow, yes - I remember. Roots down, in the ground. Feeling their way through the world, reaching out. Feeling my way. What I was is left behind. Not shed, no, it is little, like one flake of the skin I left behind. I'm not in there any more. Spreading out, through my roots. I am in the world, I feel myself spread to fill it.
Thoughts slow. Yes. Rock is slow, ice is slow. I must be slow too. Slowing down because I must to become. But so beautiful. They don't know - how could they know? - they don't know, but I feel it all. All about is void, but I am vast. Like the needle in my skin, seeping in, that's what I have done. I am become my world and I am all about and I can feel it all.
Fuck, asteroid.
Body will change, ok. Mind too? Doesn't matter, doesn't matter. Each tick from then to now, now to later, I am still I, every step of the way still say I'm me - if I can say. Still have a mouth? Think loudly. Nothing seems to happen at first. Don't panic, be patient. Days first, and longer before anyone will notice. You have all the time you could want.
It does happpen eventually. Becoming. They don't understand what I'm doing, this realisation of being, and that's okay. I do look different now. There is no denying it. Mind is changing too, I don't mind. I'm still me. That is who I was yesterday and where is the gap between then and now?
Thoughts slow, find some space to think. Quiet place, where I take root. The world goes by, leaves me be. Caterpillar through pupa into butterfly, they sparkle so prettily. I sparkle too, like a crystal tree.
Thoughts slow, yes - I remember. Roots down, in the ground. Feeling their way through the world, reaching out. Feeling my way. What I was is left behind. Not shed, no, it is little, like one flake of the skin I left behind. I'm not in there any more. Spreading out, through my roots. I am in the world, I feel myself spread to fill it.
Thoughts slow. Yes. Rock is slow, ice is slow. I must be slow too. Slowing down because I must to become. But so beautiful. They don't know - how could they know? - they don't know, but I feel it all. All about is void, but I am vast. Like the needle in my skin, seeping in, that's what I have done. I am become my world and I am all about and I can feel it all.
Fuck, asteroid.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 07:25 (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2006-12-31 10:52 (UTC)From:Not to sound crazy, but I read this out loud and I enjoy the lyrical bits of repetition. I have no idea if they were intentional or not, but they work. Also, the imagery here is simple - yet terribly striking. Natural, yet deliberate.