(no subject)

[aesmael]

A thing which happens more than once is I find out at the last moment about major household stuff like impending modifications to the building or expected guests who must be prepared for, or some other such thing.

And it is distressing to me not only because unexpected impending disruption and not only because I feel I have been left out and no one saw fit to actually inform me of what was going on. But especially because when I say I did not know and have not the faintest stirring of memory on the matter, my family will insist I must have known and must have been informed, and if there is any defect of awareness it is mine.

I feel like my hold on reality is slim and my frequent fears of disconnection with the world be realised. But, if I can't trust my memory then, then what can I trust?

I don't know. I don't know.