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Man takes Onion article for joke, dies in ninja incident

Friends of Arthur Robeson (19) say he laughed in response to a news article concerning recent ninja attacks forwarded to him. "He just sent back 'LOL that's great,'" says Jim Culsen (20). Unfortunately the joke turned out to be on Arthur, who completely ignored the article's advice on ninja avoidance. Mere hours later he was tragically caught up... [read more]

Terrorist confesses to being President Bush under interrogation

Government agents report shock when alleged terror suspect Alen Brosnie answered in the affirmative to their questioning, repeating "Yes, yes, I am the President. Please let me go." Says Agent Jones "We didn't know what to do, we shut everything down." Interrogations remain halted until word comes down from above. Until then. Brosnie is being kept in a luxury suite. "You don't just torture a guy like that. I mean, the President, jeez"...[read more]