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Professional nouns
2009-03-07 02:36Been back to editing again recently, having after a brief period realised the reason I was writing something new was not having access to what I had written here to be able to edit it. Still forming my impressions of editing as a thing, since I have so seldom yet reached this stage with a story.
One of my major challenges for this story has been directing character focus. Both the main characters go by female pronouns so it takes a bit more work to make clear who is saying or doing what than if it were simply 'he said' 'she said', and I am trying to avoid 'she said' anyway. An abitrary sort of limitation since there is still plenty of 'she did this' and 'she did that' but perhaps it makes sense, since we know all the speech is 'she' but there is still a need to indicate people are doing things and I don't want to be using their names every single time. That would bring an oddness to the story I do not want.
Mostly I am using their names to set focus, trying to shape reader awareness in a way that flows easily and unobtrusively by calling attention to a character first and letting that note float lightly over what follows. Right now we have this example:
I'm trying to find a way to clarify this little paragraph, as the 'she's and 'her's get a bit crowded, jumping between perspectives in a way I find just the slightest bit jarring. I think it is easy to see who is doing what in this example, however, I also think it could stand to be improved. We have Kristine established at the beginning as acting, Fern as reacting. That's fine for the first sentence, but in the second we have an unmarked switch to Fern as active perspective which carries into the next few paragraphs and does not feel right to me.
I think that works better, although I have reservations about two name uses so close together. Thought for a while, too, that maybe the section following suffered from overuse of names but reading aloud it seems fine.
And now this entry ends, attention more fully devoted to editing for the night.
One of my major challenges for this story has been directing character focus. Both the main characters go by female pronouns so it takes a bit more work to make clear who is saying or doing what than if it were simply 'he said' 'she said', and I am trying to avoid 'she said' anyway. An abitrary sort of limitation since there is still plenty of 'she did this' and 'she did that' but perhaps it makes sense, since we know all the speech is 'she' but there is still a need to indicate people are doing things and I don't want to be using their names every single time. That would bring an oddness to the story I do not want.
Mostly I am using their names to set focus, trying to shape reader awareness in a way that flows easily and unobtrusively by calling attention to a character first and letting that note float lightly over what follows. Right now we have this example:
Kristine raised one hand above the table as she spoke, a lazy, trailing motion, Fern's eyes following her shifting fingers. She looked away, feeling herself blush and a squirming sensation in her belly.
I'm trying to find a way to clarify this little paragraph, as the 'she's and 'her's get a bit crowded, jumping between perspectives in a way I find just the slightest bit jarring. I think it is easy to see who is doing what in this example, however, I also think it could stand to be improved. We have Kristine established at the beginning as acting, Fern as reacting. That's fine for the first sentence, but in the second we have an unmarked switch to Fern as active perspective which carries into the next few paragraphs and does not feel right to me.
Kristine raised one hand above the table as she spoke, a lazy, trailing motion, Fern's eyes following her shifting fingers. Fern looked away, feeling herself blush and a squirming sensation in her belly.
I think that works better, although I have reservations about two name uses so close together. Thought for a while, too, that maybe the section following suffered from overuse of names but reading aloud it seems fine.
And now this entry ends, attention more fully devoted to editing for the night.
