"This Land", Part 1

[aesmael]

Before the beginning there was not. After the beginning there was nothing and there was potential. Not even the status of formless chaos had been attained.

Time passed, of a brief and insignificant duration.

Into this nothing faded the form of a girl with chestnut hair and green-gold eyes. She wore a dress of yellow and a floppy hat that spoke of summer. Looking about as if direction actually meant something, she smiled. There was much for her to do, none of it questioning the wisdom of how she might be visible without illumination.

The first shaping is easiest to gloss over, yet it took her long and hard study before she was able to realise even the most basic of forms. Impatience pushed her to quit many times, tempting retreat back into herself where at least her imagination had no waiting period, but of course she did not give up with finality and learned at last to give shape to the nothing.

It took the size and the form, more or less, of an island. A very crude island of mostly flat solid rising to a vague peak in the middle and bordered not by water or indeed anything at all, just nothing. The underside was a rough mirror image of the overside, so that from a distance it might seem as though a great spindle of land had uprooted itself to go adrifting wherever the wind might take it.

The girl examined what she had made. She saw it was the best she could manage for now, so it would have to do. She landed herself near the edge – it could not honestly be called a shore – and announced to no one in particular “I shall call it 'This Land'”. And then she laughed, because she was precisely the sort of person who would laugh at her own jokes.

Comments

[coniferous_you]

You were successful in making me believe the world that you created here (or very deliberate lack thereof). Also, you make me want to learn more about this girl in the floppy hat. Specifically, the strength here lies in the fact that the description is left open but in a way that promises that more description will come. More description will come when the character herself decides to make it. I enjoy that image and the strangely scientific level of detail blended seamlessly with a childlike sense of wonder.
To say that I am really looking foward to reading more would perhaps be a mild understatement. (:

[jaydestwilight.livejournal.com]

It's very good. As far as literature goes, it takes something special for me to like it. You can ask my friends who find it fit to lend me books, only to have them returned a short times after mostly unread. I do like this, looking forward to reading more.

[mantic-angel.livejournal.com]

Mmmmm, surprisingly vivid, easy to visualize. I am surprised it was about transforming the nothingness, and not the girl herself :)

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It's interesting realizing I have, I think, seen exactly one (1) post where you used gender-neutral pronouns. No, wait, two. The one you used them first, and then the explanation post. And I just spent 30 minutes trying to find a way to ljArchive your journal so I could search it, but no luck - maybe I can convince you to use your own ljArchive and search for 've' and 'vir' and link me to the relevant posts? I'm curious, and I figure you have at least a few private/filtered posts so you can't just send me the archive :)

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I had a third point I wanted to make before I got distracted by ljArchive, I'm sure... oh, right! Yay, I'm reading posts that come after we met ^_^ (September 2007 :)) Although I doubt I was really reading this until a month or two later, as this post is certainly unfamiliar. But then, it has been three years, but still would expect some ring of recognition.

Will try to comment when we hit that point :)

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Decided to single-comment since I remembered everything I wanted to say in one comment. May or may not split them in future.

[aesmael.livejournal.com]

Ve-ell, it is about writing small fantasy pieces, not erotica and porn, neh? ;)

I think I gave up on the neutral pronouns early on because it was easier to go along with everyone using them for me, and for a while I thought maybe they fit better anyway, there was at least a period of triumph in being able to declare that, which faded relatively quickly.